Pros And Cons Of Canceling Student Loan Debt
Student loan debt in the United States has risen to $1.5 trillion owed by tens of millions of people, leading to calls…
Scientists Discover Dangerous Link Between Book Learnin’, Back Talk
TUSCALOOSA, AL—Confirming decades of speculation concerning the potentially disruptive effects of runaway literacy,…
Thousands Of Students Forced To Attend Iowa State After University Sets Acceptance Rate To 140%
AMES, IA—In part of an ongoing effort to foster a more inclusive academic community, thousands of students from across…
Report: Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia
YOUR LITTLE HEAD—Confirming that oh, sure, probably no one gets into the prestigious university without their wealthy…
Older Cafeteria Monitor Not A Teacher Or Parent Or Anything
DENVER, CO—Finding themselves unable to explain the mystery woman’s presence in the lunchroom, grade-school sources…
Chemistry Teacher Encouraging Students To Fuck Around With Bunsen Burners In Last-Ditch Effort To Prove Science Is Cool
COLUMBUS, OH—In what was interpreted as a final attempt to foster scientific curiosity in high school juniors, James A.…
Pros And Cons Of Teacher Tenure
Academic tenure continues to decline in U.S. institutions of higher learning, as colleges increasingly look to reduce…
Shop Class In Rich School District Just Teaches Students How To Deal With General Contractors
SCARSDALE, NY—Touting the ordinarily trade-school course as an opportunity for students to learn practical life skills,…
Pros And Cons Of Delaying School Start Time
Many medical professionals and parents believe that starting school so early in the day has negative consequences for…
Report: Underfunded Public Schools Lacking Basic Support Systems Leave Students Perfectly Prepared For Rest Of Life
WASHINGTON—A report released Thursday by the U.S. Department of Education revealed that underfunded American public…
High School History Textbook Concludes With Little Blurb About Last 40 Years
EDISON, NJ—Immediately after dedicating 20 pages to the end of the Vietnam War and its aftermath, 11th-grade social…
Report: Students Who Take Latin Have Better Chance Of Summoning Demon Later In Life
CHICAGO—Saying the classical language was a practical choice for anyone interested in awakening the dead, a new report…
Polite High School Football Team Runs Around Banner That Took Hours To Make
GRANDVIEW, TX—Sprinting onto the field with a thundering roar of “Pardon us, please,” the scrupulously polite Grandview…
4th Grader Panics Upon Realizing Classmate Giving Presentation Had Exact Same Summer As He Did
ALBANY, NY—Shaken to his core by the realization that he had independently shared every significant detail of his…
Supposedly Educated Professor Has No Idea How To Get Bird Out Of Lecture Hall
KALAMAZOO, MI—Failing to complete the simple task despite his ostensibly robust academic background, onlooking students…
Fraternity Brothers Make Note Not To Kill Pledge Whose Family Has Lake House
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—Carefully establishing a reminder lest they lose themselves in a moment of exuberance, fraternity…
Middle School Janitor Can Already Tell He Going To Have To Befriend New Kid
PORTLAND, OR—Reluctantly acknowledging that he would soon need to go out of his way to strike up conversations with the…
Timeline Of The American Education System
As over 50 million students return for a new school year, the U.S. education system faces of a number of technological,…
University Admits It Pretty Weird They Let Bunch Of 20-Year-Olds Live In Big Mansion And Torture Each Other
TUSCALOOSA, AL—Suddenly realizing that the tradition was actually sort of strange when one stopped to really think…