Report: Underfunded Public Schools Lacking Basic Support Systems Leave Students Perfectly Prepared For Rest Of Life

WASHINGTON—A report released Thursday by the U.S. Department of Education revealed that underfunded American public schools, most of which lack even the most basic support systems, were producing students who were perfectly prepared for the remainder of their dismal public and professional lives. “We found daily…

University Admits It Pretty Weird They Let Bunch Of 20-Year-Olds Live In Big Mansion And Torture Each Other

TUSCALOOSA, AL—Suddenly realizing that the tradition was actually sort of strange when one stopped to really think about it, University of Alabama administrators admitted to reporters Thursday that it was pretty weird that they let a bunch of 20-year-olds live in a big mansion and torture each other. “I guess allowing…

Sheryl Sandberg’s MIT Commencement Address Clearly References Personal Data Of Individual Graduating Students

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Emphasizing the graduates’ enthusiasm for life, eagerness to contribute to society, and 22 percent higher than average engagement rate with online data aggregation sites, Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg delivered a commencement speech at the Massachusetts Institute Of Technology Friday…

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