None Of Mom’s Clothes Can Be Cleaned Using Washing Machine
MEQUON, WI—Taken aback by their mother’s high-maintenance wardrobe, household sources confirmed Thursday that none of…
Son Needs Costume, 30 Individually Wrapped Treats Tomorrow Morning For Some School Celebration
ATHENS, OH—Confessing that he was completely blindsided by the request, parent Erik Schaff said Wednesday that his son…
God Really Dreading Visit From Older Brother Who Made Much More Successful Cosmos
CREATION—Admitting that the mere thought of hosting His guest next weekend filled Him with terrible anxiety, God, Our…
Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child
CATASAUQUA, PA—Positively brimming with joy after welcoming the infant into their home, first-time grandparents Edward…
Unsettling Study Finds Second Cousins Technically Fair Game
BOSTON—Providing new and disconcerting insights into long-speculated risks of human mating, a Boston University Medical…
Divorced Man Doesn’t Even Recognize Smiling, Happy Family In Photo That Came With Frame
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Realizing that the black-and-white family photo on his bedside table seems like a scene from someone…
Grandmother Really Starting To Get The Hang Of Dying
HAVERHILL, MA—Expressing happiness that their matriarch had finally “gotten into the swing of things,” the family of…
New Parents Disgusted To Learn They Had Type Of Baby That Shits
SHERMAN OAKS, CA—Terrified that their greatest fear has become a disgusting reality, new parents Melanie and Abe Bloom…
Mom Decides Enough Time Has Passed To Lose Touch With Paramedic Who Saved Son’s Life
PHILADELPHIA—Saying it would likely be no big deal to skip her monthly phone call, Rhea Mann, 47, decided Tuesday that…
Aunt Scores Big With Nephews By Dropping Bombshell Story About Mom Smoking Weed As Teenager
BOSTON—Regaling her sister’s sons with previously untold stories from adolescence, local aunt Sherri Neely scored big…
Family Unsure Why Grandmother’s Caregiver Seems Like He Actually Enjoys Spending Time With Her
SUN CITY, AZ—Noticeably confused when his face lit up at the mere mention of her name, the Snyder family admitted…
Report: Papa Will Be So Very Cross You’ve Lost Grandfather’s Hunting Cap
YORKSHIRE, ENGLAND—Lamenting the heedless manner in which you handled a most cherished accoutrement, sources opined…
Parents’ Visit Injects $66 Into Local Apartment Economy
ALBUQUERQUE, NM—In what economists are calling a “significant infusion of cash” for the three-bedroom duplex, area…
Local Brother-In-Law Heard You Can Make Shitload Of Money Doing That
BOULDER, CO—Insisting that this, right now, is the moment to get in on the ground floor if you want to “make bank,”…
Grandma’s #MeToo Stories Fucking Horrifying
TULSA, OK—Visibly upset by the lengthy conversation with her paternal grandmother, bistro manager Allison Boyer, 24,…
Report: There No Way Of Knowing Whether The Vague Award Mom Won At Work A Big Deal Or What
ROXBOROUGH, PA—Wondering what kind of honor a company bestows upon a part-time clerical employee, the family of local…
Mom Wants To Know If You Could Use Grandma’s Antique, 12-Person Dining Room Table In Your Studio Apartment
CHICAGO—Stressing that the furniture would be perfect for hosting guests, your mom wanted to know Tuesday whether you…