IRVINE, CA—Realizing his entire presentation deck consisted of little more than the proposed tagline “Twice The Crunch…

WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CA—Promising one lucky melon fan the chance to change their life forever, Dole revealed Wednesday…

WASHINGTON—With the federal government back open this week, food safety officials at the U.S. Department of Agriculture…

CHICAGO—Lamenting that his glory days of college cafeterias, burger joints, and taco trucks are now shrinking in life’s…

ROSEBURG, OR—Noting the wide variety of nonperishable items lining the shelves, furloughed government employee Sheena…

LOUISVILLE, KY—Referring to the fast food restaurant chain as a revolving door for perverts and sexual deviants,…

CAMDEN, NJ—Touting the device’s ability to open nasal passages and fill the air with warm, red mist, Campbell’s…

NORTHBROOK, IL—Describing their new pasta as the perfect quick meal for busy weeknights, Italian food brand Bertolli…

ATLANTA—Taking advantage of the new service that saves time and undue stress, sources confirmed Monday that more…

CHICAGO—In a matter-of-fact press release addressed to “consumers who might be interested in this sort of thing,”…

SOUTH KINGSTOWN, RI—Researchers at the University of Rhode Island published a study Friday revealing that the…

CANTON, MA—Touting the beverage as the perfect drink for those frigid, gray November mornings, Dunkin’ Donuts unveiled…

CAMDEN, NJ—In a move that has left grocery store shelves empty across North America, an increasingly paranoid…

WINCHESTER, VA—Attributing her current apathy to being stuck in the wholesaler’s remote canned goods aisle, Costco…

NEW YORK—Providing insight into the process by which the company creates its wildly successful line of health-oriented…