Scientists Successfully Create Artificial Placenta That Tastes Just As Delicious As Real One

URBANA, IL—Hailing their creation as a major step forward in the field of food science, researchers at the University of Illinois unveiled an artificial human placenta Wednesday they claim tastes just as delicious as the real thing. “This is a huge day for consumers who want that big, bold placenta flavor but don’t…

Nutritionists Recommend Increasing Intake Of Whatever Will Earn You Free T-Shirt From Restaurant

STORRS, CT—Researchers at the University of Connecticut’s Nutritional Sciences Department released a statement Thursday recommending Americans increase their intake of whatever food will earn them a free T-shirt. “Whether the meal required for nutritional and sartorial lifestyle supplementation be a five-pound…

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Report: Americans Waste Enough Food Each Year To Give Over 1 Billion Third World Residents Diabetes

ROME—According to a report released Monday by the United Nations, U.S. consumers waste roughly 50 million tons of sugar-saturated food each year, a quantity sufficient to give over one billion residents of the developing world Type 2 diabetes. “Citizens in more affluent nations such as the United States do not fully…