Jerry Jones Hoping To Use 2018 Draft To Find Long-Term Solution At Mistress

DALLAS—Revealing that the Cowboys owner was looking for stability at an essential position, team sources confirmed Thursday that Jerry Jones is planning to use the 2018 NFL Draft to find a long-term solution at mistress. “This isn’t about a short-term fix. There is going to be a lot of talent at the draft, but I need…

Eagles Fan Admits U.S. Bank Stadium Has Nicest Seats He’s Puked On

MINNEAPOLIS—Claiming the quality of the facilities had exceeded his expectations, Eagles fan Wes Fernley admitted Sunday that U.S. Bank Stadium had the nicest seats he has ever thrown up on. “I’ve been to some great stadiums in the past few years, but puking here was a really amazing experience,” said Fernley, who…

Fired-Up Patriots Ready To Give Full 60, Maybe 70% Against Jacksonville

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Assuring that the team knew exactly what it would take to win, fired-up Patriots players told reporters Sunday they were ready to give a full 60, maybe 70 percent against Jacksonville. “We are pumped for this showdown, and the Jags are going to see two-thirds, maybe three-fourths of our best—if the game…