Tom Izzo Calls 2019 Spartans Best Team He’s Ever Threatened With Violence
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Crediting his players for being wise enough to do what’s best for their health, Michigan State head…
Retiring Rob Gronkowski Admits He’ll Miss Teammates’ Blurry Faces, Fans Spinning Perpetually In The Stands
FOXBORO, MA—In an emotional speech announcing his retirement after a nine-year NFL career with the New England…
Giants Consider Drafting Quarterback To Mentor Eli Manning
NEW YORK—Insisting that they didn’t want to push the 38-year-old signal caller onto the field before he’s ready, Giants…
Sean McVay Begs Mother To Let Him Stay Up To Coach Rest Of Super Bowl
ATLANTA—Promising that he would go to bed “right after” the game ended, Rams head coach Sean McVay begged his mother to…
Jared Goff Pissed He Had To Miss Friend’s Super Bowl Party For Work
ATLANTA—Claiming that he had been looking forward to the gathering, Rams quarterback Jared Goff told reporters Sunday…
‘No God, Please Not Now,’ Yells Rapidly Aging Tom Brady As Old Crone’s Spell Begins To Wear Off During Super Bowl
ATLANTA—Begging for mercy while watching his arms wither and skin wrinkle, a rapidly aging Tom Brady cried out for an…
Nurse Tells Wheelchair-Bound, Concussed Rob Gronkowski He’s At The Super Bowl With All His Friends
ATLANTA—Shouting “touchdown!” while pushing the Patriots’ tight end along the sidelines, nurse Miranda Silva told a…
Sean McVay Reveals Bill Belichick Occasionally Texted Him Photos Of Dead Animals After Games
ATLANTA—Calling the correspondence enlightening and a “window into his mind,” Rams head coach Sean McVay told reporters…
Patriots Score 2 Touchdowns Against Chiefs In Preemptive Strike Before AFC Championship Game
KANSAS CITY, MO—In an effort to gain a competitive advantage against a formidable opponent, the New England Patriots…
Joe Buck Tears Rotator Cuff After Awkward Throw Down To Sideline
DALLAS—Grimacing and clutching at his shoulder, Fox NFL announcer Joe Buck tore his rotator cuff after an awkward throw…