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Determined Circle Of Friends Diligently Traces Back How They Got Onto This Conversation Topic

SAN JOSE, CA—Upon suddenly realizing none of them knew the origin of the current conversational subject, a determined circle of friends on Tuesday diligently traced back how their discourse arrived at the topic. “I remember we were talking about Ed Harris and how he’s in The Truman Show, but how did Connecticut come…

New Evidence Suggests Ancient Egyptians Only Ever Visited Pyramids When Friends Were In From Out Of Town

LONDON—In a discovery that sheds new light on the civilization’s cultural practices, researchers at University College London presented evidence Monday that suggests ancient Egyptians never went to see the pyramids unless they had guests in from out of town. “Recently unearthed papyrus rolls dating from 2400 B.C.…

New App Sends Dating Profile Straight To Friends, Coworkers To Laugh At Without Ever Connecting Users To Each Other

PALO ALTO, CA—Utilizing personal contact information to create a uniquely demeaning interactive experience, a new app unveiled Friday reportedly sends dating profiles straight to friends and coworkers to mock without ever connecting users to each other. “We are proud to debut Humiliatr, a one-of-a-kind dating app that…

Friends, Family Waiting For Current Bout Of Man’s Depression To Subside Before Really Laying Into Him

ST. CLOUD, MN—Fearing that in his current state he was too fragile to withstand the harsh criticism they wished to level at him, friends and family of area man Todd Freely told reporters Monday that they were waiting for Freely’s most recent bout of depression to subside before they really laid into him. “He’s way too…

New Study Finds Staring Out From Balcony With Best Friends Strongest Indicator That This Your City, Your Time

NEW YORK—According to a study published Tuesday by Columbia Business School, the act of gazing out at the skyline from the balcony of an upper-floor apartment alongside your best friends is the strongest indicator that this is your city, your time. “The data shows that letting your eyes drift over the glittering…

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Friend Really Laying Into Self For Failing To Reply To Email Sooner

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Expressing deep regret for her “inexcusable” behavior, local 29-year-old Erin Griffith is said to have really laid into herself Monday for failing to reply to a friend’s email sooner. “I am so, so sorry for the late response. I’m such an idiot,” wrote Griffith in the belated email to her old college…

List Of Names On Gchat Sidebar Like A Portal Into Area Man’s Past Lives

FRANKFORT, KY—Displaying nearly forgotten ghosts from his past like a hazy window through time, the list of names appearing on local resident Paul Thurman’s Gchat sidebar read like a catalog of the man’s former lives and identities, the 27-year-old graphic designer reported Wednesday. “There’s a guy from my ultimate…