LOS ANGELES—Signaling a dramatic shift in public opinion, a new report released Monday by the Entertainment Research Council revealed that more Americans than ever are willing to accept a female Wonder Woman. “Our poll shows that a record 64 percent of moviegoers in the U.S. are now comfortable with the idea of Wonder…
WASHINGTON—Reversing federal guidelines to public schools issued by the Obama administration, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced Thursday that states and local school districts would be charged with ensuring that bullied transgender students hide in bathroom stalls corresponding to their biological sex. “We need…
PHILADELPHIA—Calling himself a “staunch supporter” of issues ranging from equal pay to reproductive rights, area man Brian MacKinnon told reporters Monday he considers himself an ally to women unless they threaten his personal status in any way whatsoever. “I would definitely describe myself as a feminist [insofar as…
NEW HAVEN, CT—Noting its slumping posture, slack expression, and overall downcast appearance, sources confirmed Wednesday that a vessel for male sexual gratification was very sad today. “It definitely appears to be upset,” said sources, adding that the object that exists solely for men’s physical pleasure was…
JOHNSTOWN, PA—Saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for, local man William Swanson, 44, told reporters Thursday he is strictly a single-gender voter. “There’s really just one gender that matters to me when I’m in that voting booth,” said Swanson, noting that he always takes…
WASHINGTON—Saying it’s nice sometimes to let their imaginations run wild, the nation’s female voters told reporters Tuesday they have been fantasizing a lot lately about some far-off presidential election in the future that is not absolutely crucial to their well-being. “It would be really nice if, someday, my basic…
SACRAMENTO, CA—In an effort to address a hostile work environment, executives at Western Sun Media Consulting reportedly distributed a staff-wide memo Thursday encouraging any women at the company who had experienced sexual harassment to come forward with a resignation letter. “If you have ever experienced unwanted…
Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination:
Seeking equal representation of women in all facets of society, the feminist movement has found a prominent place in the national conversation and has evolved greatly from one decade to the next. The Onion looks at some of the movement’s critical milestones.
CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different…
Members of the U.S. women’s national soccer team recently filed a formal complaint accusing the U.S. Soccer Federation of gender-based wage discrimination. Here’s what you need to know.
LAFAYETTE, LA—Calling the situation pitiful and completely embarrassing, sources confirmed Friday that pathetic excuse for a man Pete Atkins is paid the exact same wage as his coworker and fellow claims adjuster Melanie Hall, who is a woman. Reports indicate that, despite having the same job title, as well as…
NASHVILLE, TN—The results of a comprehensive multiyear study charting the educational achievement of children throughout the United States were released Friday, revealing that the nation’s girls are increasingly outperforming their future employers in all subjects. “We looked at test scores from all 50 states and…
LOS ANGELES—While acknowledging concerns that men vastly outnumber women in key creative positions in Hollywood, a coalition of female writers, producers, and directors told reporters Wednesday they have “absolutely no problem at all” being underrepresented behind the scenes of NBC’s The Blacklist. “It is high time…
‘Good—It Is Done,’ Say Americans
TOPEKA, KS—Having finally built up the courage to raise her hand and voice her opinions in front of her peers and teachers, local 15-year-old Olivia Kushnick is reportedly now talking enough in class for others to begin criticizing her speaking voice, sources confirmed Monday. “She used to rarely say anything, but in…
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to help open new doors for the many women struggling to readjust to life after performing, officials from the Screen Actors Guild‐American Federation of Television and Radio Artists spoke to reporters Thursday about the union’s new job-training program for 30-year-old actresses who have aged…
COLUMBUS, OH—Calling it a “major problem” that happens far too often, local man Tyler Harris, 26, told reporters Wednesday that he absolutely hates it when other guys come up to his girlfriend and treat her with respect. “All these dudes think they can just walk right up to Amanda and start speaking to her like she’s…
WASHINGTON—Saying she had proven herself to be a formidable contender worthy of respect, GOP leaders announced Thursday that Carly Fiorina had been officially promoted to a male candidate after her strong showing in last night’s primary debate. “Given her steady rise in the polls and her consistent performance on the…
