George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere
President Bush has a new hobby — painting! — and he’s showing off some new watercolors of the undead Iraqi boy who lives in his nightmares.
George W. Bush Having Trouble Finding Decent Cocaine Since Leaving White House
CRAWFORD, TX—Citing his dramatically reduced level of influence and his separation from old acquaintances in Washington, former president George W. Bush complained Monday that he has had trouble finding decent cocaine since leaving office in 2009. “I had some real good hookups in D.C., but the shit down here is just…
Features Of George W. Bush Presidential Library
The technologically advanced and highly interactive George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum will open to the public on May 1 in Dallas. Here are some of the notable features of the museum:
History Licking Its Chops To Judge George W. Bush
'Let Me At That Fucker,' Says Branch Of Knowledge
George W. Bush Forgets To Mention 9/11 In Memoir
WASHINGTON—While his new book details tense relationships within his administration and admits mistakes were made in the execution of the Iraq War, former president George W. Bush totally blanked on the 9/11 terrorist attacks while writing his memoir Decision Points. "He ends one chapter on what seems like a telling…
Bush Still Working On Manned Mission To Mars Quietly In Spare Time
DALLAS—Speaking from his home in Dallas, former president George W. Bush told reporters Tuesday that when he's not busy giving lectures or writing his memoirs, he spends most of his spare time working on the manned mission to Mars he proposed in January 2004.
Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial
UNDISCLOSED—On a remote patch of Kansas prairie believed to fall outside the range of U.N. spy satellites, construction is finally complete on the long- awaited 9/11 Truther Memorial, sources confirmed Wednesday.
George W. Bush Chuckles To Self Upon Thinking About How He Was President Of The United States For Almost A Decade
DALLAS—While sitting alone on the porch of his home late Monday afternoon, George W. Bush, 63, chuckled upon suddenly remembering that he was once the president of the United States of America for nearly a decade.
Ex-DHS Chief Asserts Terror Alerts Gamed Election
In his new book, former head of the Department of Homeland Security Tom Ridge says that the Bush administration pressured him to raise the terror alert level in order to influence the 2004 election. What do you think?
Cheney To Slam Bush In New Book
In his forthcoming memoirs, former vice president Dick Cheney will reportedly air grievances he had with his onetime boss. What do you think?
Bush Dies Peacefully In His Sleep
WASHINGTON—George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States of America, passed away painlessly in his sleep Monday night, White House sources confirmed. The 62-year-old Bush was reportedly discovered lying unresponsive in his bed by first lady Laura Bush, a gentle smile still on his lips. "It was as though he knew…
Spider Eggs Hatch In Bush's Brain
WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed to the floor of the Oval Office during a meeting with advisers when spiderlings hatched from thousands of egg sacs affixed between the hemispheres of his brain, according to a White House memo released Monday. The spiders severed the president's corpus callosum and ate through the…
Bush Spends Day Feverishly Booby-Trapping Desk
WASHINGTON—In preparation for the traditional task of welcoming his successor to the Oval Office, outgoing president George W. Bush canceled all his appointments and press conferences Monday so he could spend the day outfitting his desk with a series of traps, gags, and hair-trigger switches. "Oh, man, is he gonna get…
Single-Engine Cessna Crashes Into Bush
CAMP DAVID, MD—The Federal Aviation Administration said engine failure was to blame for a pilot losing control of a four-seater Cessna aircraft that crashed head-on into President Bush Thursday. According to the FAA report, the nose of the Cessna 350 impacted with the president's face at 110 mph, instantly killing…
America's First Gay President Concludes Historic Second Term
WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush was unusually reflective in the final weeks of his administration, taking time during speeches and press conferences to look back on key decisions, expound on his legacy, and tout his role in paving the way for the nation's first African-American president by serving eight years as…
Iran's Nuclear Operation Revealed To Be Cover For Greatest Roller Coaster Ever
TEHRAN, IRAN—Nearly 30 years of tense relations between the U.S. and Iran came to a dramatic end this March when Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad revealed that his country’s suspected nuclear program was in fact a covert operation to build “Ali Baba and the 40 Loops”—the largest, most thrilling roller coaster in…
Bush Frustrated By Mother's Constant Questioning Of His Plans Post-White House
WASHINGTON—With his departure from office only weeks away, President George W. Bush told reporters Monday that he is "fed up" with the way his mother, former first lady Barbara Bush, keeps pestering him about his post–Oval Office plans.
