HAVERHILL, MA—Doing his best to mask his disappointment that the package didn’t contain the cable-knit cashmere sweater he’d had his heart set on, local child Max Campbell reportedly spared his uncle’s feelings Friday by pretending to like the Xbox One X he received as a gift. “Thanks, Uncle Joe, I’ll definitely get a…
SANTA CLARITA, CA—Intently scanning the aisles for something that might convince the children they were okay guys after all, every customer at Dick’s Sporting Goods on Thursday was reportedly looking for something to get on his stepson’s good side. “Let’s see, Brandon’s got a Dodgers poster in his room so maybe a…
The Onion presents a selection of gifts perfect for every dad just in time for Father’s Day.
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, The Onion has put together a selection of gifts that any mom would love.
Need some holiday shopping inspiration? Here are the top-selling gifts in 2016.
CHICAGO—Noting that your sibling always mentions that she really likes hers and uses it all the time, your mother confirmed Thursday that she wants one of those things your sister has for Christmas. “Oh, I don’t need much—you could just get me that thing your sister got a while back,” said Mom, adding that she thinks…
LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present. “Oh, I’ve got…
FOX CHAPEL, PA—Asserting that the gesture would mean a lot more coming from all of them, local unemployed man Jeff Thomas reportedly made one final push to his siblings Friday suggesting that they all go in together on a group Mother’s Day gift. “I think Mom would really appreciate it if we got her something nice that…
