FAIRFAX, VAâCiting its longtime commitment to the promotion of safety among firearm enthusiasts, the National Rifle Association published a series of pointers Tuesday on how to keep safe while carrying out a mass shooting. âEvery gun owner should know the NRAâs fundamental safety rules so they can avoid being tackledâŚ
THOUSAND OAKS, CAâIn the hours following a violent rampage in California in which a lone attacker killed 12 individuals, including a police officer, and seriously injured at least 12 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Thursday that thereâŚ
PITTSBURGHâIn the hours following a violent rampage in Pennsylvania in which a lone attacker killed 11 individuals and seriously injured six others, including four police officers, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Saturday that there was no wayâŚ
BAKERSFIELD, CAâIn the hours following a violent rampage in California in which a lone attacker killed six individuals, including himself, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Thursday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place.âŚ
DALLASâInsisting that every law enforcement official in America would have done the exact same thing if put in her situation, Dallas officer Amber Guyger claimed Monday that anyone could have mistaken a black manâs apartment for a dangerous firearm. âListen, when your instincts kick in and your adrenaline is pumping,âŚ
FAIRFAX, VAâExpressing immense gratitude for their role in normalizing and promoting the pursuits of marginalized people, the National Alliance on Mental Illness issued a statement Thursday praising the National Rifle Association for decreasing the stigma around mentally ill people acquiring firearms. âThere are stillâŚ
TALLAHASSEE, FLâIn the aftermath of three deaths in a Jacksonville incident that represented the stateâs 22nd mass shooting in 2018 alone, Florida officials announced Monday that they had passed a strict ban on being unarmed. âIt is abundantly clear that something must be done to stop gun violence in Florida, which isâŚ
CHICAGOâIn the wake of gun violence across the city that left 12 people dead over a single weekend, frustrated Mayor Rahm Emanuel was reportedly torn Tuesday between addressing Chicagoâs shootings and just fucking going for the title of nationâs murder capital. âLook, things are tough right now, and itâs time for usâŚ
FAIRFAX, VAâClaiming its finances are in peril following regulatory actions by the State of New York, the National Rifle Association told staff members Tuesday it has been forced to cut operational costs by shooting dozens of the gun advocacy groupâs redundant employees. âFaced with difficult financial realities, weâŚ
PAWTUCKET, RIâIn a move designed to capitalize on the companyâs successful five-decade legacy of quality foam weaponry, representatives from Hasbro armaments subsidiary Nerf announced Thursday that they would be diversifying their line of dart, disc, and ball launchers to include actual firearms. âWe cannot emphasizeâŚ
FAIRFAX, VAâSaying the schematics were already available on numerous file-sharing sites across the web, the National Rifle Association announced Tuesday it had released online blueprints that, for the first time ever, will allow citizens to print 3D gun lobbyists in their own homes. âAnyone with internet access andâŚ
BILLINGS, MOâFinding himself increasingly uncertain as to the purpose of his substantial cache of military-grade firearms, Billings resident Greg Carnes admitted Tuesday that he was unable to remember whether the 20 rifles heâd stockpiled were meant to aid in armed rebellion against the government or prevent the same.âŚ
SANTA FE, TXâIn the hours following a violent rampage in Texas in which a lone attacker killed eight individuals and seriously injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Friday that there was no way to prevent the massacre fromâŚ
NEW YORKâIn a discovery that flies in the face of conventional law enforcement wisdom of what does and does not constitute a deadly firearm, weapons and non-weapons experts alike reported Thursday that an array of objects including but not limited to steel pipes, wallets, and cell phones are not, in fact, guns. âAfterâŚ
WASHINGTONâClaiming the nationally celebrated students should be disqualified from taking any stance on the issue, Fox News host Laura Ingraham said Friday that protesting Parkland high schoolers are insufficiently knowledgeable concerning guns to criticize Nicholas Cruz. âThese are just ignorant kids who donât knowâŚ
CUPERTINO, CAâExplaining that they took immediate action against what they perceived to be a threat, local police officers repeatedly shot Apple CEO Tim Cook after mistaking an iPhone he was holding for a gun, sources confirmed Thursday. âLaw enforcement saw the suspect reach into his pocket and take out what lookedâŚ
WASHINGTONâCheering, yelling, and generally running rampant through the nationâs capital, a group of teens were reportedly spending a wild spring break in Washington, D.C. Tuesday begging lawmakers for their lives. âThese kids are all over the place, showing no restraint whatsoever while pleading with theirâŚ
DALLASâContemplating how pivoting away from her hardline pro-gun stance might boost her career, National Rifle Association spokeswoman Dana Loesch was reportedly rethinking her loyalties Monday after witnessing the sheer amount of airtime teen anti-gun activists had garnered in recent weeks. âThese Parkland kids areâŚ
FAIRFAX, VAâIn response to the March For Our Lives protest led by student activists who survived the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting, the National Rifle Association reportedly issued a statement Monday calling for more common-sense gun deaths. âNow, more than ever, what we need are more shooting deaths resultingâŚ
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