Oct 29News in Brief10/29/20News in Brief10/29/20Woman Heartbroken For All Shelter Pets Who Will Be Put Down Without Ever Being Dressed Like A GhostbusterCHICAGO—As she gazed into each kennel and let out a deep, regretful sigh, 31-year-old Chicago resident Lisa Kessler…
Oct 27VideoOnion Info Clips10/27/20 VideoOnion Info Clips10/27/20Tips For Celebrating Halloween During The Coronavirus Pandemic
Oct 22News in Brief10/22/20News in Brief10/22/20Farmer’s Child Forced To Slaughter Pumpkin They Spent Season Caring ForJOHNSTON, IA—In a difficult and emotionally taxing rite of passage, local farmer’s child Owen Morrison, 10, was…
Oct 20News In Photos10/20/20News In Photos10/20/20‘Hate Has No Home Here’ Banner Taken Down To Make Room For ‘Zombie Crossing’ Sign
Oct 14News in Brief10/14/20News in Brief10/14/20Mom’s Latest Halloween Decoration Just Rustic Wooden Sign That Says ‘Bones’SUDSBURY, MA—Stressing the festive item lacked any discernible frightening imagery or spooky embellishment, family…
Oct 9News In Photos10/9/20News In Photos10/9/20Pumpkin Spends Summer Getting Huge To Avoid Being Picked Last
Oct 2News In Photos10/2/20News In Photos10/2/20‘I Don’t Care How You Feel, Get Your Ass Outside And Put Up The Halloween Decorations,’ Trump Screams At First Lady
Mar 11News in Brief3/11/20News in Brief3/11/20‘I Can’t Wait To Dress Up As The Coronavirus For Halloween,’ Says Man Who Will Be Dead By MayDUBLIN, OH—Eagerly expounding on what he described as “probably [his] best costume idea ever,” local 28-year-old…
Oct 31 2019News In Photos10/31/19News In Photos10/31/19Real-Life Van Helsing Runs Over Kid In Vampire Costume
Oct 31 2019News in Brief10/31/19News in Brief10/31/19Man Asks Every Trick-Or-Treater If They’re The Real Dracula Just In CaseCLIFTON, NJ—Saying he was unwilling to take any chances with his safety, local man Jay Tierney confirmed Thursday…
Oct 31 2019News In Photos10/31/19News In Photos10/31/19Woman Passing Out Candy Unsure Whether To Give Some To Teen Mom Too
Oct 31 2019Commentary10/31/19Commentary10/31/19It’s Long Past Time For Jack-O’-Lanterns To Decide Once And For All If They Are On The Side Of Humans Or The Side Of DemonsEach fall, we welcome the sight of jack-o’-lanterns. They beautify our porches, light the paths to our doors, and,…
Oct 30 2019Infographic10/30/19Infographic10/30/19Pumpkin Carving TipsCarving jack-o’-lanterns from pumpkins is one of the most fun and rewarding Halloween activities. The Onion offers…
Oct 23 2019News in Brief10/23/19News in Brief10/23/19Nation’s Moms Get Started On Their Sorta-Funky Witch CostumesAKRON, OH—Laughing as they tried on quirky combinations of colorful wigs and striped thigh-high socks, the nation’s…
Oct 21 2019Infographic10/21/19Infographic10/21/19Everything You Need To Know About ‘Luigi's Mansion 3’Just in time for Halloween, everyone’s favorite ghostbusting plumber is finally back to rid the world of ghosts and…
Oct 18 2019News in Brief10/18/19News in Brief10/18/19Halloween Pop-Up Store Has Pick Of Every Storefront In Rust Belt TownBRIDGEPORT, MI—Saying it would be almost impossible to whittle down all the options, sources confirmed Friday that…
Oct 3 2019Infographic10/3/19Infographic10/3/19The Most Terrifying Horror Games Of All TimeWith Halloween just around the corner, OGN is paying tribute to the absolute greatest scares in gaming history. Read…
Apr 2 2019News in Brief4/2/19News in Brief4/2/19Scientists Announce Discovery Of Dry Ice On Mars Means Planet May One Day Be Suitable For Halloween PartyPASADENA, CA—Noting that the breakthrough finding could have major implications for future interplanetary…
Oct 31 2018News in Brief10/31/18News in Brief10/31/18Paramedics Didn’t Realize How Hard It Would Be To Cut Drunk Woman Out Of Elmo CostumeCLEVELAND—Finding themselves hopelessly out of their depth despite years of training in emergency field medicine, a…
Oct 31 2018News in Brief10/31/18News in Brief10/31/18Woman Sick Of Being Stuck In Back Half Of Velma Costume Entire Halloween PartyLAKEWOOD, OH—Cramped and frustrated at being unable to interact with any of the other guests, Halloween party…