Climatologists Say Humanity’s Best Hope Is Hurricanes Spinning In Different Directions And Canceling Each Other Out

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that the planet would continue to experience progressively more destructive storms caused by climate change, a group of the nation’s leading climatologists said Wednesday that humanity’s best hope now is for hurricanes spinning in opposite directions to cancel each other out. “At this point,…

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Experts Report $37 Amount Of Money You Need To Donate To Hurricane Relief In Order To Completely Forget About It

WASHINGTON—Saying that the charitable contribution would immediately provide a clear conscience, experts reported Friday that you need to donate $37 to hurricane relief in order to completely forget about what happened. “Concerned individuals have been asking what they can do to stop feeling bad about hurricane…

Authorities On Loudspeaker Plead With Holdout Characters To Evacuate Disney World While They Still Can

ORLANDO, FL—Beseeching those individuals remaining on the premises Wednesday to relocate before Hurricane Irma strikes, local officials reportedly drove down Disney World’s Main Street, USA, using vehicle-mounted loudspeakers to plead with any holdout characters to evacuate. “We urge everyone to leave Liberty Square…

Coast Guard Drags Decoy Boca Raton Into Middle Of Ocean In Attempt To Lure Away Hurricane Irma

MIAMI, FL—Saying the plan was the best option for mitigating the potential damage from the storm, the Coast Guard reportedly towed a decoy of Boca Raton into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean on Tuesday in an attempt to lure Hurricane Irma away from land. “After evaluating all available options, we’ve determined that…