Wild Fall Break Parties Pose Risks For College Students
The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.
Black Part Of Town Moves Across Town
Pennington, IL's only African-American family moves to the other side of town, causing residents to reminisce about the "Black part of town."
Back Of Library Smells Like Weed
Library patrons in Pennington, IL report that something definitely smells like weed back in the young adult section.
This Day In History: Apollo 12 Sent To Moon To Pick Up Trash Left By Apollo 11
On This Day In History, the astronauts of Apollo 12 landed on the moon to collect the pizza boxes and beer cans left behind by the famous Apollo 11 astronauts.
Reporter Steps In To Replace Woman's Missing Husband
When the war in Afghanistan leaves a woman without a husband, caring reporter O'Brady Shaw steps in to replace him.
Prevent Identity Theft By Changing Identity Every Three Years
Shelby Cross warns viewers to protect themselves by becoming a completely different person every few years.
What Is Your Amateur Porn Telling Employers About You?
The First Responders discuss how to keep the amateur porn you make from affecting your job search.
NASA Asks Russians To Stop Filming Porn On International Space Station
In the Daily Briefing, NASA scientists ask the Russians to please stop using the ISS as a personal porn studio and a Taliban attack on U.S. forces has led officials to announce they are 'so glad pretty soon America won't have to deal with this shit anymore'.
Teens Hold Clothing Drive For Classmate Who Dresses Really Ugly
On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy welcome two Sacramento teens who collected clothing for their classmate so she wouldn't have to look like a homeless person.
New Ad Urges Hipsters To Go To Applebee's Ironically
On Today Now!, a consumer expert shows Jim a new Applebee's commercial that urges young people to come and mock their restaurants.
Romney's Numbers Skyrocket After Prostitute Reveals She Paid Him To Sleep With Her
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's approval rating is way up after a prostitute reveals she paid Romney to sleep with her, not the other way around.
Are Wetland Preserves Simply Dead-Body Dumping Grounds?
Shelby Cross continues her crusade against bogs and marshes, which are good for nothing other than hiding bodies.
Breaking Story So New Reporter Literally Has No Information
On "Raw Story," O'Brady Shaw Investigates what may have been a shooting at a local mall, or may have been something else altogether.
High Unemployment Rate Linked To One Man With 42,000 Jobs
A recent report finds that one man is selfishly working thousands of jobs while other Americans go without even one.
Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion
Democrats charge that Republican members of Congress are preventing the passage of the bills by moving very slowly.
In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls
President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing.
Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk
Psychic Kenneth Quinn connects Today Now! studio guests with former landlords and friends of work friends who have died for stilted conversations from beyond.
Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria
In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports on Kanye West's feud with Syria and a company's decision not to bother recalling a defective hotplate.
Reporter Helps Starving Dogs By Personally Shooting Them
After an earthquake renders hundreds of dogs homeless, reporter O'Brady Shaw pledges to put down every last animal himself.
Small-Town Mayor Steps Down Amid Scandal Over Forged Coupon
Pennington, IL mayor Sue Hallinan resigns in shame after passing bad coupons at the local Kroger. (Aired 10/4/11)
