Man Does Incredibly Well At Slot Machine Demo Embedded In Ad
LAMAR, OK—Without ever diverting his eyes from the tiny blinking window in the right margin of the website he initially…
‘Try It Now,’ Shouts Gogo Internet Technician Standing On Plane Wing While Fixing In-Flight Wireless Connection
ATLANTA—Screaming as loudly as he could while army-crawling towards the “finicky” router, Gogo Internet technician Bart…
Man Wondering If There Might Be Some Sort Of Website Featuring Footage Of Sexual Acts One May View For Purposes Of Self-Gratification
DAVENPORT, IA—Musing philosophically on the deeply pleasurable possibilities, local man and potential electronic voyeur…
Comments Mysteriously Disabled On YouTube Video Of Sparrow In Yard
GREENVILLE, NC—Struggling to understand what about the video with 104 views necessitated the drastic measure, sources…
Fucking Idiot Has Perfect GIF For That
SAN JOSE, CA—Reveling at the opportunity to respond to an online post with the quintessential short, silent video loop,…
The Onion’s Guide To Twitch
Twitch is the leading site for livestreaming video games, with over 15 million active daily users. The Onion presents a…
Dad Just Wants Nice, Simple Xbox One For Checking Email
RALEIGH, NC—Claiming he only needs something that’s easy to hook up with internet capabilities, local dad Greg Knox…
Republicans Outraged Over RedTube Censoring Of Conservative Voices
WASHINGTON—Saying the website has mounted a direct assault on free speech, Republicans in Congress told reporters…
Nation Shudders To Think How Bad Things Would Seem If They Didn’t Have Access To A Never-Ending Torrent Of Free Pornography
WASHINGTON—Discouraged and demoralized almost to the breaking point by news of political corruption at the highest…
Girlfriend Slowly Becoming Radicalized By New Skin-Care Blog
SPRINGVILLE, UT—Concerned by the disturbing changes in her behavior since she discovered the site earlier this year,…
‘Join Email List’ Box Pre-Checked Like Sneaky, Conniving Fucker It Is
NAPERVILLE, IL—Attempting to hide in plain sight amid a wall of unrelated offers and legal qualifiers, the “Join Email…
Timeline Of Internet Bots
The widespread presence of bots on the internet has driven concerns about their effects on social media, cybersecurity,…
Study Finds ‘Missionary,’ ‘In Love’ Most Popular Porn Search Terms
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—A study published Friday by Rutgers University’s Center for Media Studies confirmed that “missionary”…
YouTuber Cringing While Watching Amateurish Early, Current Work
LOS ANGELES—Confessing that the “clumsy, ham-handed awkwardness” of his first and latest stabs at the medium make him…
Report: Your Father Currently Typing ‘Naked Women’ Into Yahoo Images Search Bar
JANESVILLE, IA—Indicating that this happens at least once a week, a report released Thursday confirmed that your father…
Man Insists Facebook Friend Actually Reads ‘Why Palestinians Are Sub-Human’ Article Before Commenting On It
DALLAS, TX—Describing his acquaintance’s backlash as intellectually dishonest, local man Gabe Weaver insisted Wednesday…
Cash-Strapped FiveThirtyEight Lays Off Dozens Of Top Algorithms
NEW YORK—Explaining that downsizing was an unfortunate necessity in the challenging media landscape, FiveThirtyEight…