Ivanka Trump Distraught After Learning Detained Migrant Children Completely Without Sewing Machines

WASHINGTON––While being briefed on the inhumane, unsanitary, often abusive conditions in facilities housing more than 700 immigrant children who have been separated from their families for months on end, White House advisor and first daughter Ivanka Trump was distraught to learn Thursday that none of the detainees…

Jared And Ivanka Holding Each Other At Gunpoint In Kitchen After Simultaneously Revealing Undercover Identities

WASHINGTON—Both shouting “FBI, you’re under arrest!” as they grabbed hidden pistols from behind the refrigerator and the back of the pantry, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump were reportedly holding each other at gunpoint in their kitchen Monday after simultaneously revealing their undercover identities. “I’m afraid …

Fuck, I Totally Forgot To Fight For Women’s Rights And Promote Sustainability

Talk about an “oops” moment! The other day, after a White House staff meeting, I was walking past the Blue Room when I had this vague sense that I’d spaced out on something major. As much as I racked my brain, though, I just couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. It was only later in the afternoon when I was…

Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric Trump Removed From White House After Mother Wins 25-Year Custody Battle

WASHINGTON—Bringing a conclusion to decades of contentious court proceedings, Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric Trump were reportedly removed from the White House on Thursday after their mother, Ivana Trump, won her 25-year custody fight for the children. “We’re happy with the judge’s ruling that Ivanka, Don, and Eric’s…