Aug 22 2019News in Brief8/22/19News in Brief8/22/19‘Don’t Worry, I’ll Always Be Here To Fight Climate Change,’ Says Jay Inslee Before Ethereally Turning Into Majestic OakSEQUIM, WA—In a speech delivered to supporters addressing the end of his presidential campaign, Washington Governor…
Jul 31 2019News In Photos7/31/19News In Photos7/31/19Jay Inslee’s Head Explodes After New Fracture Forms In Greenland Ice Sheet
Jun 14 2019News in Brief6/14/19News in Brief6/14/19DNC Committee Throws Bound Jay Inslee Onto Melting Iceberg Before Pushing Him Out To SeaANTARCTICA—Cackling as they stuffed a rag into the Democratic governor’s mouth and tied his hands behind his back,…
May 23 2019News in Brief5/23/19News in Brief5/23/19Jay Inslee Recalls Decision To Run For President After 5 Teens From Across Globe Pressed Enchanted Rings Together To Call Him Into ExistenceOLYMPIA, WA—Explaining to reporters how he had arrived at the difficult decision, 2020 Democratic presidential…
May 8 2019News in Brief5/8/19News in Brief5/8/19Jay Inslee Smashes Through Wall Of Town Hall In Solar-Powered Mech Suit To Announce Climate Change PlanWASHINGTON—Unveiling sweeping policy positions that would transform the nation’s electric grid and combat emissions,…