Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been pretty fucked up. The starter on my Festiva finally burned out. The thing is that most Festivas are beyond junked, so I can't find a replacement starter at a scrapyard. Now, every time I need to drive, I have to park on a hill so I…

Hola, amigos. How's your pecker? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been pretty rough for your pal Jim. The muffler on my ride is shot, so the Festiva sounds like an Indy car, especially if I push her to 65 on the highway. I meant to get under there and fix up the holes, but you know…

Hola, amigos. Whuddup? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been knee-deep in the hoopla. First of all, I been working my fingers to the bone at my new job in a cell phone store. I gotta be out on the floor of this tiny-ass shop all day, five days a week. I only got a cell phone myself like last…

Hola, amigos. What's up? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been stressin' like a Hessian over the amount of shit going on. First off, I had to replace my rear wheel bearings again, making this the third time since I owned this piece of crap Festiva that I had to do that.

Hola, amigos. How's tricks? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been chasing my tail like a retard dog these days. I've been working plenty of hours at the warehouse discount place. I even got a little overtime. We were short-staffed because a bunch of people were out sick back in November, so…

Hola, amigos. How's it going? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been cheek-deep in a ditch of shit. First of all, the Anchowermobile got clipped a couple weeks ago by some woman in a giant SUV. It was raining out, so it was hard to see, and I was trying to pull out of a parking lot between…

Hola, amigos. How's by you? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been weighed down by a shit-ton of trouble. First of all, my muffler is all shot. I don't care much, since I like a loud car, but I got pulled over for it yesterday. The cop gave me a ticket for $140 I don't have.

Hola, amigos. How's it going with you? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. I been trying get through a jungle of bullshit, but it grows back as fast as I can cut it down. I finally found some tires for my Festiva. I had to go to like five junkyards before I found some that were any good. I only had to…

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been getting plenty hairy around here. First, I been running like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find some new tires for my Festiva. I know, a tire is a tire, but these are some weird-ass size that no one makes anymore. I…

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been puttin' out fires left and right. First off, the brakes on my Festiva are going soft on me. It's not all the time, and the problem goes away after you pump them a few times, but it's got me all paranoid. I only drive the back roads to get to…

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been trying to keep myself dry in the shitstorm, you know? First of all, I finally had to wash my car. Now, if it was a nice machine, I would take good care of it and keep her looking fine, but it's just my beater Festiva, and I could give a crap…

Hola, amigos. What up? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things got crazy, if you know what I mean. I got sacked from my job at that one electronics store. They said it was because I was unreliable, but it's really because my supervisor had a hard-on for making my life miserable. Every time I…

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I got a lot on my plate these days. Serious, it was a one-two punch that almost laid Jim Anchower down for the count. Not long after I got dumped by that fat bitch Debbie, I got laid off at the carbonics place. Apparently, the market for tanks of…

Hola amigos. How's shit shaking out? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but misery's been flying at me from all directions, and it's been a damn full-time job to just duck out of the way of all of it. First off, I got a new gig about two months ago at Auto Zone. I stock parts, which is cool, 'cause I…

Hola amigos. What's shakin'? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but the waters are not always smooth in Lake Anchower. The brakes on my Festiva were starting to whine and grind, which really pissed me off. If it's not one thing, it's another with that car. I was gonna sell it and let someone else have…

Hola, amigos. What's your deal? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but there's been all sorts of mess going on in my life. For one thing, I've been having a hard time getting my government checks. Not that they're worth a whole lot, but I didn't work 57 jobs just to wait by the inbox for my Social…

Hola, amigos. What's goin' on? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but it's like life keeps raining shit down on me and I don't have a shit shovel big enough to clear it all away. My ride is giving me grief. The muffler is coming loose, so it's making a lot of noise. The car might sound badass if it…

Hola, amigos. What do you hear? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been dragging my ass through the routine. The winter always gets me down. Don't tell me how it's spring. I know it's spring, but that makes it worse. It gets warm for a few days, I think I finally broke on through to the other…

Hola, amigos. What's the deal? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been having a heaping helping of problems. First off, the bill collectors from the hospital have been on my ass about the money I owe them for fixing up my leg earlier this winter. I didn't have insurance, so I owe them a…

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've had a fistful of problems lately. I had to beg Ron for a second chance at the crappy carbonics plant. That sucked, first because I hate begging, and second because I hate begging Ron. I had to remind him of the time I pulled this guy with a USMC…