Oat Farmer Seriously Thinking About Getting Into Barley
CARLISLE, IA—Calling the potential transition a drastic but much-needed change of pace, oat farmer Bill Gannon told…
Man At Job Interview Praying He Isn’t Asked About 2-Year Gap In Résumé When He Was Abducted By Aliens
ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Concerned that the span of unemployment on his résumé could be a liability during an upcoming job…
Hope Hicks Praying She Not Still In Same Shitty Job By Time She Hits 30
WASHINGTON—Saying she only had two years left to find a “real career,” White House Communications Director Hope Hicks…
Boss Thinks Female Employee Might Be Ready To Handle Job She’s Been Doing For Past 2 Years
NEW YORK—Believing she may be ready for a higher-level position within the company, a manager at Vidmark Interactive…
Job Placement Service Helps Students Who Fail Out Of Dad’s Alma Mater Find Work At Dad’s Company
BOSTON—Touting its 100 percent success rate, administrators at job placement service Scion Employment Solutions…
Surgically Altered Obama Doubles Struggling To Find Work After Presidency
WASHINGTON—Returning to the private sector after eight years of service as presidential decoys, the White House’s team…
Struggling Media Company Almost Desperate Enough To Hire Someone Qualified For Job
NEW YORK—Admitting they badly need to turn their business around, executives at struggling media company Vidmark…
Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions
MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising…
Man Just Waiting Tables Until Fundamental Structure Of U.S. Economy Changes
HAMPTON, VA—Explaining that his current employment situation is intended merely as a stopgap, local man Simon…
School Psychologist Crushing It In Wake Of Fatal Sports Injury
SLATON, TX—Comforting grieving teammates and students left and right, Byron Meadows High School psychologist Mark…
New STEM Initiative Just Tries To Dissuade Students In Other Countries From Pursuing Science Careers
WASHINGTON—In an effort to improve America’s ranking in the global technology sector, the U.S. Department of Education…
Friendly Cashier Persona Briefly Dropped To Address Trainee
NASHVILLE, TN—Her formerly cheerful voice suddenly becoming clipped and terse, Kroger morning supervisor Deanna Albas…
Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones
BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading…
Media Intern Looking Forward To Moving Up At Company That Won’t Exist In 8 Months
LOS ANGELES—Fondly imagining herself having her own cubicle in the office that will be rented out to a different…