Nov 25News in Brief11/25/20News in Brief11/25/20Parents Allow Excited Children To Tear Open One Turkey For Thanksgiving EveATHENS, GA—Beaming as the youngsters rushed down the stairs and threw open the oven doors, parents Jack and…
Nov 14Sports News In Brief11/14/20Sports News In Brief11/14/20Parents Cheer As 8-Year-Old Son Chokes Out Opponent In UFC Jr. League MatchLAS VEGAS—Standing up and shouting at the referee as his opponent landed an illegal knee from half guard, Mitch and…
Oct 20News in Brief10/20/20News in Brief10/20/20ISIS Brat Hates Having To Keep Changing Schools Whenever Dad Gets New DeploymentHAMRIN MOUNTAINS, IRAQ—Exasperated by the stress of being constantly uprooted, ISIS brat Abu Hamza al-Ahmed…
Oct 13News In Photos10/13/20News In Photos10/13/20Preschool Teacher Just Going To Assume Kid Whose Mic Cut Out Finished Counting To 10 Correctly
Sep 18News in Brief9/18/20News in Brief9/18/20Conservative Conspiracy Theorist Outraged After Stumbling Upon Entire Netflix Section Dedicated To KidsHOUMA, LA—Expressing disbelief about what he was seeing, local conservative conspiracy theorist Ted Biddle was…
Sep 14News In Photos9/14/20News In Photos9/14/20Toddler, Puppy Spend Afternoon Accidentally Hurting Each Other
Sep 2News in Brief9/2/20News in Brief9/2/20Child Beauty Experts Recommend Revitalizing Skin With Elmer’s Glue PeelGRAPEVINE, TX—Describing application of the household product as essential in order to always look one’s youngest,…
Aug 13News In Photos8/13/20News In Photos8/13/20Middle Schooler Can’t Wait To See Which Teachers Got Breasts Over Summer Break
Aug 11News in Brief8/11/20News in Brief8/11/2013-Year-Old Mourns Loss Of Youth Upon Realizing He No Longer Feels Anything About Monster TrucksSAVANNAH, GA—Expressing concerns about the jaded, indifferent person he had apparently become, local 13-year-old Jay…
Jul 31News in Brief7/31/20News in Brief7/31/20Hacky Pop-Up Book’s Narrative Tension Pretty Dependent On Lifting Colored FlapsIOWA CITY, IA—Deriding the work’s narrative structure as formulaic and ultimately predictable, local 4-year-old…
Jul 29The Topical7/29/20The Topical7/29/20Fisher-Price Announces Company Has Grown Out Of Making Stupid Toys For BabiesThey want to make cool toys for big kids, like video games and airsoft guns. But is the company best known for…
Jul 20News in Brief7/20/20News in Brief7/20/20Toddler Feels Somewhat Torn About Pretending To Be Policeman In Current ClimateSOUTH BEND, IN—Expressing misgivings over perpetuating a system of oppression, local toddler Aaron Merchant…
May 27News in Brief5/27/20News in Brief5/27/20Family Increasingly Terrified That Ghost Haunting House Might Be PedophileLOWELL, MA—Noting the poltergeist had been a little bit too friendly towards their children since they moved in last…
May 4News in Brief5/4/20News in Brief5/4/20Kindergartener Can’t Believe Friend Has Never Seen ‘Cars 3’ BeforeBROOKLYN—Expressing disbelief about his peer’s paucity of cinematic knowledge, area toddler Aiden McInnes was…
Apr 30News in Brief4/30/20News in Brief4/30/20Exhausted Parents Struggling To Limit Child’s Time Using GunDENVER—Following weeks of being continually sheltered in place with the 4-year-old, exhausted parents Josh and…
Apr 30News in Brief4/30/20News in Brief4/30/20Children’s Science Website Clearly Struggling To Come Up With 10 Facts About SlugsDULUTH, MN—Noting the palpable effort being exerted by the online resource, sources confirmed Thursday that…
Aug 23 2019Sports News In Brief8/23/19Sports News In Brief8/23/19Kid Only Pitcher Because He’s Son Of Coach, Gets Daily One-On-One Training, Goes To Pitching Camp Every SummerSOUDERTON, PA—Expressing frustration that he has not actually earned his position, Little League sources told…
Jul 26 2019News in Brief7/26/19News in Brief7/26/194-Year-Old Convinced Father A Moron After 45th Consecutive Hide-And-Seek VictoryGLENDALE, PA—Expressing embarrassment and disappointment over being the son of such a loser, local 4-year-old Connor…