Nov 2News in Brief11/2/20News in Brief11/2/20Woman Hopes She Did Enough Worrying To Help Biden CampaignERIE, PA—Waiting on tenterhooks on the eve of the election, local woman Elise Stalter expressed her hope Monday that…
Oct 27Sports News In Brief10/27/20Sports News In Brief10/27/20Old-School Baseball Fan Doesn’t Need Some Formula To Tell Him Which Players Have Best WAR, wOBAYAKIMA, WA—Recalling the better days when there was real art to arguing over who had the greatest skills, local…
Oct 16News in Brief10/16/20News in Brief10/16/20Man Has Come Too Far To Turn Back For Grocery BasketFALCON, CO—Rueing his earlier hubris but knowing that the only course he had left was to press forward to the next…
Oct 14News in Brief10/14/20News in Brief10/14/20Liberal Man Worried Biden Victory Would Immediately Reignite Discussions About Having KidsRIDGEWOOD, NJ—Speculating on the implications of President Donald Trump leaving the White House in January, local…
Oct 8News in Brief10/8/20News in Brief10/8/20Terrorist Group Benefactor Disappointed To Learn Most Of Donations Go To Covering Administrative CostsRIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Shaking his head while reviewing the organization’s annual budget, local terrorist group…
Sep 28News in Brief9/28/20News in Brief9/28/20Townspeople Declare We All Decent Folks Round These Parts Who Don’t Want No TroubleLOWELL TOWNSHIP—Announcing their longstanding policy of keeping to themselves mostly, local townspeople declared…
Sep 25News in Brief9/25/20News in Brief9/25/20‘I Can’t Wait For Things To Get Back To Normal,’ Says Woman Spending Friday Night Dining With Friends In Crowded Indoor RestaurantALEXANDRIA, VA—Feeling overtaxed from all the ways the Covid-19 pandemic had impacted her life, local 34-year-old…
Sep 15News in Brief9/15/20News in Brief9/15/20Woman Just Wants To Date Guy Who Can Make Her Laugh, Like CartmanSAN FRANCISCO—Admitting that it was tough sometimes to find a man who shared her crude, unfiltered sense of humor,…
Sep 14News in Brief9/14/20News in Brief9/14/20Man Assures Friend Watching ‘The Flintstones’ Series That He Just Has To Stick With It Through J.L. Gotrocks ArcAKRON, OH—Stressing that continuing to watch the animated television series would be worth it in the long run, local…
Sep 7News in Brief9/7/20News in Brief9/7/20Man Assures Self He’ll Leave Cult After Everyone Starts Having Sex But Before All The Really Bad StuffSEDONA, AZ—Determined to time his exit in order to take full advantage of the group’s shared mentality, religious…
Sep 7News in Brief9/7/20News in Brief9/7/20Ice Cream Shop With Unlimited Free Samples Mentally Added To Growing Homelessness Contingency PlanLOS ANGELES—Noting that the frozen confectionery establishment was open six days a week and least busy in the early…
Sep 4News in Brief9/4/20News in Brief9/4/20‘Tell The World I Also Had Asthma,’ Conservative Begs Doctor Before Dying Of CoronavirusJACKSON, TN—Insisting through coughs that he refused to let the physician politicize his death, local conservative…
Sep 2News in Brief9/2/20News in Brief9/2/20Vermonter Disgusted After Getting Glimpse Of Topless Bridge Out In PublicBRATTLEBORO, VT—Expressing shock at the indecent architectural structure, local Vermont man Beau Colton told…
Sep 2News in Brief9/2/20News in Brief9/2/20Friend Who Introduced Couple Not So High And Mighty Now That They’re Getting DivorcedHINSDALE, IL—Despite years of bragging about her matchmaking skills, Kelly Peerman, the friend who introduced local…
Aug 28News in Brief8/28/20News in Brief8/28/20Surgeon Putting In Extra Effort In Case Patient Undercover Professional CriticMUNCIE, IN—Methodically taking the proper steps to divert an artery, cardiac surgeon Dr. Stewart Smith took extra…
Aug 27News in Brief8/27/20News in Brief8/27/20Man Just Wants To Watch Basketball In Peace Without Being Forced To Recognize Players’ Humanity In Any WayCULVER CITY, CA—Preferring to just watch playoff basketball in peace, Lakers fan Derek Wainwright expressed…
Aug 27News in Brief8/27/20News in Brief8/27/20Years Of Listening To Grandpa Talk About Dust Bowl Pays Dividends In Instagram Post Honoring His DeathOXNARD, CA—Offering a return on investment that local woman Alyson Murdoch had reportedly never anticipated, years…
Aug 26News in Brief8/26/20News in Brief8/26/20Premeditated Triple Homicide Taken Completely Out Of ContextEL PASO, TX—Maintaining that “you kind of had to be there” to really get the gist of his grisly series of murders,…
Aug 25News in Brief8/25/20News in Brief8/25/20Man Worried He’s Not Caring And Responsible Enough To Be Parent After Cat He Adopted Shoots Up Middle SchoolYELLOW SPRINGS, OH—Expressing concern that the actions of the feline had exposed deficiencies in his parenting…