WASHINGTON—In an effort to calm the uneasy tech mogul’s nerves during his congressional hearing Wednesday, members of the U.S. House of Representatives reassured Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg that they weren’t actually going to be doing anything about any of this. “Mr. Zuckerberg, the members of this committee have…
WASHINGTON—Taking full responsibility for the major oversight, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg apologized in his testimony to the House Energy and Commerce Committee Wednesday for not realizing the full scope of his genius. “At the time, I thought I was only making a simple tool to connect people and was completely…
MENLO PARK, CA—Taking it upon themselves to notify users of potential repercussions stemming from the site’s recent privacy breach, Facebook announced plans Sunday to inform victims of the Cambridge Analytica data leak whether they need to burn down their houses, cut off their fingerprints, and start their lives over…
MENLO PARK, CA—Accessing the data his platform has harvested over the years from its nearly 2 billion users, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg reportedly prepared Wednesday for his upcoming congressional testimony by poring over the personal information of U.S. senators and representatives. “Let’s see here, as long as I…
CHICAGO—Saying it was ultimately a small price to pay in exchange for the splendid spectacle that has followed, millions of Americans admitted Thursday that they didn’t really mind having their Facebook data stolen if it meant getting to watch that little fucker squirm. “Sure, it sucks that my private information was…
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to demonstrate the social media platform’s total commitment to profits, Mark Zuckerberg took to his personal Facebook page Thursday to promise that the company’s misuse of personal data will, as of now, happen again and again. “We have a responsibility to our users, and if we can’t…
MENLO PARK, CA—Boosting the popular articles much to its own chagrin, the Facebook algorithm was reportedly mortified Wednesday that it had to deliver up so much completely embarrassing news about its own company. “First with Cambridge Analytica and then with FB stock dropping, God, I’ve just had to promote countless…
MENLO PARK, CA—Vowing that the social media site would always safeguard the sensitive information, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Monday that his company would never hand over users’ medical records to the government. “Privacy in the digital age is a huge concern, and we want anyone logging onto Facebook to…
MENLO PARK, CA—Saying it was mind-boggling that people continue to log on day after day, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg admitted Monday that he was unsure why anyone still uses Facebook. “The fact that anyone still thinks it’s a good idea to have a Facebook account is a complete and utter mystery to me,” said…
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to defend the social network’s live video-streaming feature against recent criticism, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference Thursday to tout the complete lack of cannibalism that has appeared on Facebook Live so far. “Facebook Live is an exceptionally innovative and…
MENLO PARK, CA—Assuring users that the company’s entire team of engineers was working hard to make sure a glitch like this never happens again, Facebook executives confirmed during a press conference Tuesday that a horrible accident last night involving the website’s algorithm had resulted in thousands of users being…
‘No One Should Really Be On Here More Than 15 Minutes A Day,’ Say Executives
MENLO PARK, CA—Traveling from every corner of the global media industry in hopes of bringing good favor to their organizations, emissaries from hundreds of publications reportedly made their daily pilgrimage to Facebook’s headquarters this morning in order to lay their content at the foot of Mark Zuckerberg. “Sir, I…
Facebook, which is now valued at $130 billion and boasts 1.2 billion monthly users, was launched 10 years ago Tuesday by Mark Zuckerberg in a Harvard dorm room. Here is a look back at milestone moments in the rise of the world’s leading social network:
