Study Finds Only 1 In 3 Lasik Surgeries End In Laser Boring Through Eye, Incinerating Brain, Shooting Through Skull On Other Side

CHICAGO—Assuaging concerns about the safety of the corrective eye treatment, a study published Monday in The Journal Of The American Medical Association found that only 1 in 3 Lasik surgeries end in the laser boring through the eyes, incinerating the brain, and shooting through the skull on the other side. “Our…

Sweating, Shaking Pharmaceutical CEO Says He Can Stop Profiting Off Opioid Epidemic Anytime He Wants

PHILADELPHIA—Visibly trembling as he wiped beads of perspiration from his forehead, Arcelis Pharmaceuticals CEO Paul Corrier told reporters Wednesday that he could stop profiting off the nation’s opioid crisis anytime he wants. “Getting these lethally addictive drugs into the hands of vulnerable communities across the…