Melania Wishes Just Once She Could Look In Mirror Without Own Reflection Turning Away, Gust Of Wind Blowing Through Room, Doors Slamming Shut

WASHINGTON—Letting out a deep sigh while peering at the polished metal surface, Melania Trump confessed Wednesday that she wished she could look in the mirror just once without her own reflection turning away, a gust of wind blowing through the window, and every nearby door slamming shut. “All I want is to be able to…

Melania Trump’s Plane Forced To Make Emergency Landing After Smoke Begins Billowing Out Of First Lady

WASHINGTON—In what is being described as a “close call” for the aircraft’s passengers and crew, sources reported that Melania Trump’s plane was forced to turn around and make an emergency landing Wednesday after thick plumes of smoke began billowing out of the first lady. “There was a strong burning smell, and as soon…

Lions, Zebras, Giraffes Run Off Cliff Shrieking En Masse As Shadow Of Melania Trump’s Jet Passes Over Savanna

DABOYA, GHANA—Birds fell from the sky, meerkats devoured their young, and shrieking packs of lions, zebras, and baboons reportedly ran off cliffs in staggering numbers as the shadow of Melania Trump’s jet passed over the African savanna Tuesday. Sources confirmed that as the plane carrying the first lady moved across…

Ingenious Political Analyst Points Out Irony Of Melania Trump Speaking Out Against Cyber Bullying When Her Husband Donald Trump

WASHINGTON—In a dazzling display of superior intellect and penetrating insight, ingenious political analyst Mark Morelli pointed out Monday the irony of Melania Trump speaking out against cyberbullying when her husband is U.S. President Donald Trump. “Wow, it is so hypocritical of the first lady to criticize…

‘Please, Melania, Don’t Leave Us!’ Pleads King Of Wooded Faerie Realm As First Lady Climbs Back Into Tree Hollow

DEWDROP FOREST—Beseeching the eldritch demigoddess whom all creatures have come to revere as the Queen of Ash and Linden to remain in the arboreal realm for just one more moonrise to grant the dryads aid and succor in their upcoming battle against the spider warlocks, Faerie King Trysmuir pleaded in vain for Melania…

White House Photographer Disturbed To Find Faint, Ghostly Image Of Melania Trump In Background Of Every Photo

WASHINGTON—Eyes widening in terror as she scrolled through the day’s images, chief official White House photographer Shealah Craighead became increasingly disturbed Thursday after discovering a faint, ghostly image of Melania Trump in the background of every photo she had taken. “I swear the State Dining Room was…

Melania Trump Hangs Decayed Badger Carcass Over White House Mantel To Finish Off Traditional Slovenian Christmas Decor

WASHINGTON—Smiling as she found just the right spot for the decoration, Melania Trump hung a decayed badger carcass over the White House mantel Thursday in keeping with the traditions of Slovenian Christmas. “Ah, it finally feels like the holidays,” said the First Lady, adding that the animal’s decomposing remains…