‘Please, Melania, Don’t Leave Us!’ Pleads King Of Wooded Faerie Realm As First Lady Climbs Back Into Tree Hollow

DEWDROP FOREST—Beseeching the eldritch demigoddess whom all creatures have come to revere as the Queen of Ash and Linden to remain in the arboreal realm for just one more moonrise to grant the dryads aid and succor in their upcoming battle against the spider warlocks, Faerie King Trysmuir pleaded in vain for Melania…

White House Photographer Disturbed To Find Faint, Ghostly Image Of Melania Trump In Background Of Every Photo

WASHINGTON—Eyes widening in terror as she scrolled through the day’s images, chief official White House photographer Shealah Craighead became increasingly disturbed Thursday after discovering a faint, ghostly image of Melania Trump in the background of every photo she had taken. “I swear the State Dining Room was…

Melania Trump Hangs Decayed Badger Carcass Over White House Mantel To Finish Off Traditional Slovenian Christmas Decor

WASHINGTON—Smiling as she found just the right spot for the decoration, Melania Trump hung a decayed badger carcass over the White House mantel Thursday in keeping with the traditions of Slovenian Christmas. “Ah, it finally feels like the holidays,” said the First Lady, adding that the animal’s decomposing remains…