Area Man Under Impression He Got Dressed Up
PROVIDENCE, RI—Explaining that the dinner he would soon be having at an upscale restaurant required him to wear…
Style For Men
Men's fashion choices are becoming increasingly more complex. Here are some tips to help you sort through the…
Tim Pawlenty Shaves Off Every Hair On His Body In Really Weird Campaign Gaffe
DES MOINES, IA—In what political insiders are calling one of the weirdest campaign gaffes in history, Republican…
New Evidence Proves First Flag Made By Betsy Ross Actually Shirt For Gay Friend
PHILADELPHIA—Historians at the University of Pennsylvania announced the discovery this week of a personal diary from…
No Size-36 Pants Can Contain Me
What do we have here? Another cocksure contender who thinks he can get a leg up on the master? Well, come and give it…
20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day
WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans…
If I See A Shirt I Like, I'll Usually Just Buy It
I'm not really the kind of person to get caught up in the latest trends or fashions or anything like that. But some…
CNBC: 'Anyone Who Owns A Suit Can Come On Television'
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ—Citing a need to provide quality programming 24 hours a day, CNBC has extended an invitation to…
Rush Limbaugh Tucks Shirt Back In Following Animated Flat Tax Rant
WEST PALM BEACH, FL—While ferociously laying into what he calls the "liberal jihad against the flat tax," conservative…
Why Am I The Only Homeless Man Still Wearing Pickle Barrels?
I picked up one of our fine city's newspapers from underneath the wheel of a fruit cart last week and saw a fascinating…
Area Man Puts On Some Nice Pants For Once In His Life
OAKLAND, CA—Hallelujah, what do you know—reports have surfaced that Michael Bohlke put on a nice pair of pants for once…
Man In Suit Slams Fist On Desk
NEW YORK—A man wearing a suit slammed the fleshy portion of his fist on a mahogany desk Monday in an attempt to further…
Why Can't Anyone Tell I'm Wearing This Business Suit Ironically?
Is it my fault none of you stupid conformists can understand how hilarious and ironic my cutting-edge fashion sense is?…
Area Tank Top Strained Nearly To Breaking Point
SMYRNA, GA—A Smyrna-area tank top is under fire from local menswear advocates, who say the garment is so severely…
Area Man Institutes T-Shirt Purchase Freeze
PORTLAND, OR—While standing in front of his open closet, Ken Ciszek announced Tuesday that he is instituting a T-shirt…