Piece Of Shit Whom Everybody Hates Assures Himself It All In His Head
MILTON, WI—Doing his best to cast the negative, intrusive, and ultimately accurate thoughts from his mind, local piece…
Mental Health Experts Recommend Calling Fratricide Prevention Hotline For Anyone Contemplating Killing Brother
WASHINGTON—In an effort to curb the more than 450,000 Americans annually who have ideations of taking their male…
Man Competitive About How Depressed He Is
COLUMBUS—Upon hearing his friends describing their struggles with the mental illness, self-employed graphic designer…
Woman Who Hasn’t Bought Anything Recently Wondering Why She Suddenly Happy
MADISON, WI—Struggling to explain her positive emotional state, area woman Erin Kinney reportedly spent Monday…
‘Kanye Must Be Back On His Meds,’ Says Nation Technically Having Conversation About Mental Illness
NEW YORK—Following a social media post in which the rapper appeared to distance himself from politics, Americans…
Therapists Recommend Treating People Like Shit If You’re Having A Bad Day
ATHENS, GA—Explaining that the behavior provided multiple mental health benefits, a team of top therapists at the…
NRA Praised For Decreasing Stigma Of Mentally Ill Acquiring Firearms
FAIRFAX, VA—Expressing immense gratitude for their role in normalizing and promoting the pursuits of marginalized…
American Psychiatric Association Adds ‘Obsessive Categorization Of Mental Conditions’ To ‘DSM-5’
WASHINGTON—As part of their ongoing mission to keep their classifications updated with the most recent available…
Report: Therapist Just Saying That To Make You Feel Better
HOBOKEN, NJ—Shining new light on the words that offered you comfort just moments ago, a report released Monday found…
10-Pack Of Swiss Miss Bracing Itself To Shoulder Burden Of Holding Together Man’s Depressing Holiday Alone
YPSILANTI, MI—Preparing to bear the brunt of the lonely winter vacation, a 10-pack of Swiss Miss hot chocolate was…
‘Any Song Can Be Sad If It Has Sad Memories Attached To It,’ Report Newly Single Sources
NEW YORK—Saying that even the most upbeat tunes could bring one down under the right conditions, newly single sources…
Excitement Shifts To Concern After Coworker Brings Baked Goods Into Office For Fourth Consecutive Day
CHICAGO—Saying the desserts had begun to seem increasingly ominous, coworkers of Angela Shankman told reporters…