Jan 6News in Brief1/6/21News in Brief1/6/21New Mental Health Initiative To Add 10,000 Beds To Nation’s PrisonsWASHINGTON—In response to calls for the U.S. government to do more to address Americans suffering from psychological…
Dec 28Slideshow12/28/20Slideshow12/28/20Inspirational Mugs Your Therapist Doesn’t Want You To SeeIf your therapist knew that this mug was blowing the lid off her whole scheme, she would for sure flip. Best keep it…
Dec 9News In Photos12/9/20News In Photos12/9/20Free Version Of Meditation App Plays Panicked Shrieks Every 15 Minutes
Dec 1News In Photos12/1/20News In Photos12/1/20Nervous Woman Still Hasn’t Gotten Up Courage To Check Election Results
Oct 19News in Brief10/19/20News in Brief10/19/20Therapist Knows This Whole Goddamn Gravy Train Of Clients Ends Second Vaccine AnnouncedLYSANDER, NY—Recognizing that the gushing fountain of easy money wouldn’t last forever, local therapist Rob Wetzel…
Sep 17News In Photos9/17/20News In Photos9/17/20ICE Responds To Public Outcry By Pledging All Detainees Will Receive Lobotomy To Erase Trauma
Sep 4News in Brief9/4/20News in Brief9/4/20FBI Psychological Profilers Say Ritualistic Murders Suggest Serial Killer Totally BananasQUANTICO, VA—Rushing to put together a psychological analysis of the perpetrator who had left behind the heinous…
Aug 10News In Photos8/10/20News In Photos8/10/20Depressed Woman Hasn’t Slept This Much Since She Was Depressed In High School
May 27News in Brief5/27/20News in Brief5/27/20Woman Knows Current Hardships Just Preparing Her To One Day Give Up CompletelyTUSCALOOSA, AL—Stressing that such ways of thinking helped keep her difficulties in check, local woman Audrey…
May 15News in Brief5/15/20News in Brief5/15/20Helpful HR Email Offers Employees Tips For Ignoring Mental HealthOAKLAND—Emphasizing that the staff’s output and productivity were of the utmost importance to management at this…
Apr 22News in Brief4/22/20News in Brief4/22/20Man Not Sure Why He Thought Most Psychologically Taxing Situation Of His Life Would Be The Thing To Make Him ProductiveNEW HAVEN, CT—Admitting that a highly contagious, deadly pandemic had done little to stoke his creativity, local man…
Apr 6News in Brief4/6/20News in Brief4/6/20Crazed, Quarantined Mental Health Experts Recommend Scrawling ‘Everything Will Be Okay’ In Feces On WallSTANFORD, CA—Cackling maniacally as they encouraged Americans to begin engaging in radical acts of self-care,…
Mar 9News in Brief3/9/20News in Brief3/9/20Woman’s Subconscious Not Sure How Much More Clearly It Can Communicate That Her Teeth Going To Fall Out SoonSTANLEY, NM—Scrambling to find a way to be even more blunt, the subconscious of local woman Jessika Toler was…
Feb 24News in Brief2/24/20News in Brief2/24/20Concerned Baby Starting To Worry Lethargic, Distant Mom Not Suffering From Postpartum Depression At AllSAN CARLOS, CA—Growing gradually more concerned that this was just his mother’s normal state, local infant Lucas…
Feb 3News in Brief2/3/20News in Brief2/3/20Man Wastes Entire Life Chasing Unrealistic Pipe Dream Of Being Loved And RespectedAURORA, IL—Lamenting at how naive he was to believe such a thing was actually possible, 73-year-old Illinois…
Jan 20 2020Slideshow1/20/20Slideshow1/20/20Top 6 Happiest Countries In The WorldEducation: Top Finnish-language program in worldSource Of Tranquility: Near total ethnic homogeneityNational Anthem:…
Jan 17 2020News in Brief1/17/20News in Brief1/17/20Man Assumed Being Heartless, Egotistical Maniac Would Have Made Him Richer By NowSAN FRANCISCO—Voicing frustration with a strategy that had inexplicably failed to pay off, local man Cole Peterson…
Dec 18 2019News in Brief12/18/19News in Brief12/18/19Study Finds Comparing Yourself To Others Actually Pretty Good Way To Gauge SuccessANN ARBOR—Contradicting long-standing beliefs about the once frowned-upon practice, a study released Tuesday by…