LeBron James Crestfallen After Learning L.A. Doesn’t Have Any Rock And Roll Museums

LOS ANGELES—Disappointed that his new home lacked Cleveland’s amazing variety of cultural institutions, Lakers power forward LeBron James was reportedly crestfallen Tuesday after learning Los Angeles does not have any rock and roll museums. “I always loved the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame in Cleveland and just kind of…

Carmelo Thinking He Would Be Good Fit On Team With GM Who Hasn’t Been Paying Attention Last Few Years

NEW YORK—In an effort to make the biggest impact possible in his 17th season, Carmelo Anthony revealed Tuesday that he thinks he would be a great fit on a team with a general manager who hasn’t been paying close attention the last few years. “The ideal situation for me would be a team that thinks they need that one…

LeBron James Credits Teammates With Providing 4 Bodies Necessary To Avoid Forfeiture Against Pacers

CLEVELAND—Generously admitting that he most likely would not have been able to beat the gritty, defensive-minded Pacers all by himself, Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James credited his teammates during the post-game press conference Sunday with providing the necessary bodies to avoid forfeiting Game 7 of the…

Kobe Bryant Creates Foundation To Help Children Struggling With Severe Narcissism

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to destigmatize the condition of those who live with pathological self-centeredness, former basketball great Kobe Bryant held a press conference Friday to announce the launch a new foundation to help children struggling with severe narcissism. “I’ve dealt with this condition my whole life, so…

Witnesses To Gordon Hayward Injury Continuing Long Road To Recovery

BOSTON, MA—Witnesses to Gordon Hayward’s gruesome injury are slowly continuing their long road to recovery, sources confirmed Tuesday. “After seeing an injury like that, we thought a lot of these people would never be able to watch basketball again,” said sports therapist Richard O’Malley, citing the severe damage to…

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