Trump Touts Success Of Singapore Summit After Securing $10 Billion Trade Deal To Sell Nuclear Warheads To North Korea

SINGAPORE—Saying the agreement represents a major high point in American international relations, President Trump concluded his summit with Kim Jong-un Monday by securing a $10 billion trade deal to sell both strategic and tactical nuclear warheads directly to North Korea. “There was some negotiating involved in…

World Leaders Hope Singapore Summit Will Lead To North Korea Becoming Normal Impoverished Country They Don’t Have To Think About

PARIS—Waiting in anticipation of the meeting between U.S. president Donald Trump and North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un, dozens of world leaders reportedly expressed hope Monday that the Singapore summit would lead to North Korea becoming a normal impoverished country they don’t have to think about. “I think I…

Physically Fit, Emotionally Stable Kim Jong-Un Addresses UN After Finally Getting Nuclear Ambitions Out Of System

NEW YORK—Appearing to have undergone a complete transformation in both appearance and temperament, a physically fit and emotionally stable Kim Jong-Un calmly addressed the United Nations on Thursday after finally getting his nuclear ambitions out of his system. “Now that the nuclear stuff is over with, we we can…

Military Aides Try To Cheer Up Kim Jong-Un After Failed Missile Launch By Putting On Surprise Execution

PYONGYANG—Following the country’s failed test launch of a new long-range missile, North Korean military aides reportedly tried to cheer up Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un Thursday by putting on a surprise execution. “He was pretty upset by how things went yesterday, so we figured surprising him with the summary execution…

North Korean Populace Already Mentally Preparing For Whatever Insane Bullshit They’ll Have To Do For Kim Jong-Un Funeral

PYONGYANG—Saying they were taking a deep breath and steeling themselves for the melodramatic public wailing and mass-scale processions they might soon have to engage in, sources confirmed Monday that the people of North Korea were already mentally preparing for whatever insane bullshit they will be made to do for Kim…