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Having spent nearly every moment of their 61-year marriage together, Martha and Lawrence Krebsbach, both 83, died within minutes of each other, because that’s what usually happens when you flip a Camaro.

Ronald Crandall, 44, passed away last weekend while practicing his beloved hobby of amateur high-voltage transmission wire repair.

A memorial service will be held Friday for Nicole Walden, the world’s first “Nikki,” who passed away peacefully yesterday at 92.

Len Hilt, 89, died after a brief illness. He enjoyed brief illnesses and presumably died a contented man.

Walt Streit passed away Monday at the age of 74. In lieu of flowers, mourners are asked to write a rambling, incoherent anti-immigration letter to your local newspaper.

Martha Sarahns, 78, passed away Saturday night surrounded by her closest friends, family, and this random dude who looked completely lost.

Donnie the cat had to be put to sleep Friday because, Jesus Christ, who has three grand for bladder stone removal?

Kevin Maguire unwittingly martyred himself Wednesday for the cause of getting a stop sign put up on Larchmont.

Patrons of Darrin’s Bar and Grill looked on in horror Friday as the Barenaked Ladies song “One Week” was brutally murdered by local band Wrong Turn.

Jesse Faws, 28, died Tuesday in a dream about a plane crash while asleep on a plane that crashed.

Mark died.

Now that Jeff Fitzgerald Sr., 82, has passed away due to a respiratory infection, Jeff Junior would just like to be called Jeff.

Judith Norris, 70, died in a car accident Friday, much to the chagrin of the heart disease that had been trying to kill her for years.

Edwin Baines, 84, died in bed, but not before making a scary face that would frighten his wife Beth.

Lindsay Morgan, 20, literally died when she saw how fugly she looked in her new catering job’s mandatory white-on-white uniform.

Ellen Van Handel, 77, passed away at home just like she always wanted, plus she couldn’t afford to die in the hospital.

In a private ceremony Thursday night, members of Kappa Delta Psi honored the memory of their recently deceased fraternity brother Nick Moyer by doing what he loved best: drinking a lot of Busch and showing their dicks to one another.

Minnie Caren, 81, passed away last evening, leaving behind her son, Steven; her daughter, Sandy; and so many goddamn papers, like, just boxes full of papers.