Benefits Of Open Office Not Extended To CEO
SAN FRANCISCO—Deeply saddened that one of their own was confined to such punishing solitude, employees of DigiMax…
Marine Biologists Train Highly Intelligent Octopus To Profitably Manage Mid-Size Aluminum Goods Supplier
HONOLULU—Noting that the cephalopod’s natural problem-solving abilities had far surpassed their expectations, marine…
Employee Leaving Company Unsure How To Break It To Coworkers Who Don’t Really Care Whether He Lives Or Dies
O’FALLON, MO—Struggling with the right way to inform colleagues of the decision, local sales representative Hugh Wenzel…
Report: 99% Of Employees Would Use Boss As Human Shield In Event Of Workplace Attack
WASHINGTON—Citing data from across every economic sector, a report published Thursday by the Bureau Of Labor Statistics…
New Workplace Diversity Initiative Kills One White Employee Every Hour On The Hour Until More Minority Candidates Hired
TERRE HAUTE, IN—In an effort to foster a more inclusive workplace, Jetsam Marketing Solutions announced Wednesday a new…
Corporate Retreat Teaches Employees How To Dick Around As Team
EDMONDS, WA—Highly motivated and ready to put their new skills to good use, sources at Rantrix Technologies reported…
Employees Annoyed At Having To Attend 3-Hour-Long Sexual Seduction Training
SPARKS, MD—Noting that the extensive program would significantly cut into their workday, employees at digital agency…
Employee Apparently Confident Enough In Job Performance To Eat Snacks During Meeting
BISMARCK, ND—In what office sources called a bold move, local employee Brian Conlon was apparently confident enough in…
Boss’s Sexual Harassment A Lot More Cautious Lately
MEMPHIS, TN—Noticing a marked difference in the way he conducts himself in the workplace, sources reported Monday that…
Department Of Labor Response Team Seals Off Toxic Workplace Environment
SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to stop the spread of the dangerous negativity as quickly as possible, agents from the…
Neither Boss Nor Employee Paid Enough To Deal With Each Other
AUSTIN, TX—Simultaneously lamenting that “it’s every day with his bullshit,” both marketing analyst Evan Hall and his…
Office Bad Boy Sees Right Through Team-Building Exercise
SAN DIEGO—Calling the naiveté of the human resources coordinator “absolutely priceless,” office bad boy Ryan Millstein…
Report: Excitedly Bounding Into Office Remains Leading Cause Of Workplace Injuries
WASHINGTON—Claiming it is more prevalent than lifting, repetitive-motion, and machine injuries combined, a new report…
Third Desperate, Unsolicited Email To Tenuous Business Contact Should Do The Trick
LACONIA, NH—Deciding that enough time had passed since sending her previous unanswered query, local woman Enid Calhoun…
Listen, Area Boss Gets It
PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager…
Employees From Other Department Announce Plan To Ramble On About Fucking Nothing Right Next To Your Desk
SEATTLE—Declaring their intention to prevent you from getting any work done whatsoever, employees from another…
Subconscious Can’t Wait To Turn Offhand Remark From Boss Into Dream About Drowning Horse
BROOKLINE, MA—Chomping at the bit to twist the benign statement into an absolutely terrifying image, the subconscious…
Boss Thinks Female Employee Might Be Ready To Handle Job She’s Been Doing For Past 2 Years
NEW YORK—Believing she may be ready for a higher-level position within the company, a manager at Vidmark Interactive…