'The Love And Respect Of My Family And Community,' Esteemed Journalist Says
This year, the Pulitzer Board has once again neglected to bestow an award upon The Onion. What do you think?
OMAHA, NE—According to FBI sources, the nonprofit media watchdog group Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes, or AFAJP, was ordered to cease operations Friday after its spokesman and president, Stephen Forbeck, was indicted on 24 counts of embezzlement, fraud, and money-laundering. “Over the past 20…
Yes, readers, you have read the above headline correctly. This is no hoax. For too long, The Onion has been cruelly deprived of the Pulitzer Prize it so richly deserves, and now the thought of such an injustice being committed yet again fills me with a deep and insatiable thirst for violence. Which is why if The Onion…
After a week of meritorious writing, reporting, and public service from America’s Finest News Source, the hard-working men and women at The Onion provide a concise multimedia roundup for the witless apes who award the Pulitzer Prize.
BALTIMORE—In mourning following the early morning slaying of her 16-year-old daughter by an unknown assailant in Broening Park, Grace Palmer expressed joy and gratitude Tuesday that a reporter from The Onion, and not some other newspaper, had come to her door 30 minutes after the funeral. “Thank God it’s you!” the…
Despite its high-caliber journalism, The Onion has once again been snubbed by the body that awards the Pulitzer Prizes. Here’s what’s wrong with the Pulitzer Board:
An unforgettable piece of photo-journalism from The Onion that competing media organizations will certainly be unable to surpass this year.
According to market research, there are millions of Americans who have never picked up a single issue of The Onion. What do you think?
Shoddy Imitation Prizes A Total Rip-Off
SAN FERNANDO, MEXICO—In an effort to better connect with the men and women murdered by the Zetas drug cartel, Josh Sullivan, an investigative reporter for The Onion, eschewed modern conveniences and the comforts of home for a month, going undercover and posing as a corpse in a mass grave to gain an intimate…
SAN FRANCISCO—In an exclusive interview Tuesday, Internet executive Paul Murrow admitted that his revered journalist father, Edward R. Murrow, was a real dirtbag and a huge piece of garbage compared to the brave and tireless reporters at The Onion. “There's no comparison,” said the 58-year-old Murrow, his voice…
Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize. What do you think?
Almost No One
POTOSI, MO—Almost two decades after Michael Hollings was put on death row for the murders of 76 men, women, and children across Missouri, evidence uncovered by an exclusive Onion investigation has exonerated him of three of the brutal slayings, restoring his dignity when he thought all had been lost.