ROXBOROUGH, PA—Wondering what kind of honor a company bestows upon a part-time clerical employee, the family of local…
CHICAGO—Stressing that the furniture would be perfect for hosting guests, your mom wanted to know Tuesday whether you…
PHILADELPHIA—Throughout the runtime of the two-hour movie, local mother of three Barbara Rosenstock, 62, took several…
PORTSMOUTH, NH—Calling the dish one of the tastiest she’s had in some time, 61-year-old mom Karyn Stockton continued to…
PHOENIX—Murmuring to herself about how breathtakingly small you once were, your mother formally announced Tuesday her…
GLASGOW, KY—Declaring that enough time has passed for everyone to get on with their lives, father of two Albert Wrinn…
LAWRENCE, KS—In a report revealing new insights into early developmental psychology, researchers from the University of…
MONTREAL, CANADA—In response to an outpouring of feedback from concerned families, pornographic website PornHub…
FREMONT, CA—Stressing that they should only say it once they feel comfortable, local stepmom Allison Pratt told…
LAS CRUCES, NM—Snarling as she charged forward, crazed, froth-mouthed local mother Donna Gibson demanded grandchildren…
AKRON, OH—Refusing to put up with it for another second, the nation’s parents announced Tuesday that they have zero…
ALLENTOWN, PA—Recognizing that their child is old enough now to have such an important conversation, local parents Nick…
PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your…
ARLINGTON, MA—Fondly watching him as he joined a group of other men his age huddled around a classic car, members of…
KANSAS CITY, MO—Touting it as the perfect way to celebrate Dad as quickly and efficiently as possible, Hallmark debuted…
The Onion presents a selection of gifts perfect for every dad just in time for Father’s Day.
MADISON, WI—Saying he’d been meaning to set aside this kind of time for a while now, local father Gary Plumber told…
WILLOUGHBY, OH—Allowing no window whatsoever for additional conversation to take place, the father of local man Luke…
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