Man Watches Helplessly As White Elephant Exchange Completely Devolves Into Friends Just Chatting And Having Nice Time
CHICAGO—Staring wide-eyed at the table full of unopened presents being largely ignored by guests, local man Rick Joseph…
Guest Roster Assembled For Surprise Birthday Reveals Minimal Understanding Of Girlfriend’s Social Circle
ST. PAUL, MN—Describing the majority of attendees as “acquaintances at best,” birthday celebrant Megan Randall stated…
Woman Sick Of Being Stuck In Back Half Of Velma Costume Entire Halloween Party
LAKEWOOD, OH—Cramped and frustrated at being unable to interact with any of the other guests, Halloween party attendee…
Man Exhausted After Having To Explain Halloween Costume For Umpteenth Time
NEW BUFFALO, MI—Struggling to convey his exasperation through a set of plastic fangs, seasonally costumed reveler Aaron…
5-Year-Old Admits It Pretty Messed Up Spider-Man Visiting His Birthday Party When He Could Be Out Saving Lives
WESTCHESTER, NY—Acknowledging that there were definitely far more pressing issues for the young superhero to address,…
Methadone Clinic Must Be Having Some Sort Of Big Party
NEW YORK—Calling the atmosphere on the sidewalk across the street “positively electric,” sources confirmed Thursday…
Single Woman Getting All Dolled Up To Watch Room Full Of People Make Out This New Year’s Eve
BROOKLYN, NY—Wearing a brand-new dress while carefully applying her makeup for the evening, local single woman Kelly…
FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug
TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug…
Sleepover Guests Get Story Straight On What Time They Went To Bed
FREMONT, CA—Hoping to reach a consensus should the timeline of the prior evening come under scrutiny, Samantha Lu, 11,…
Man Surveys Party For Next Group To Silently Stand In
RALEIGH, NC—Determining the time had come to seek out livelier company, local man Thomas Weber reportedly surveyed the…
New Gallup Poll Finds 40% Of Americans Probably Going To Skip Michelle’s Party
WASHINGTON—Suggesting a modest overall turnout by the populace, a new Gallup poll released Monday found that 40 percent…
Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet
FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions…
Shrimp Would Be Pissed If He Could See The Lame Party He’s Going To Be Served At
MURRELLS INLET, SC—Saying the marine creature would be “annoyed as hell” if he knew, sources confirmed Friday that a…
Most Popular Halloween Costumes Of 2016
Here are the most popular Halloween costumes of 2016:
Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child
SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold…