‘Oh God, What Happened Last Night?’ Says Groggy Mike Pence After Waking Up In Same Bed As Wife

WASHINGTON—Experiencing a rising sense of dread as he opened his eyes Friday morning and noticed the woman asleep beside him, a groggy and confused Vice President Mike Pence reportedly muttered, “Oh God, what happened last night?” upon waking up in the same bed as his wife. “This is Karen’s bed—what have I done?” said…

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Senator Dick Durbin Forced To Watch State Of The Union Address From Home After Getting Ripped Off By Ticket Scalper

WASHINGTON—Swearing this was the last time he would trust a seller on the street, Illinois Senator Dick Durbin was forced to watch the State of the Union address from home Tuesday after getting ripped off by a ticket scalper. “I should have known something was up when that sketchy asshole claimed he had awesome seats…