Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb
WASHINGTON—Noting that the resignation of James Mattis as Secretary of Defense marked the ouster of the third top…
New Polls Increase Fears That Midterm Elections Will Be Won By Wave Of Politicians
WASHINGTON—Causing dread and consternation among significant swaths of registered voters, a series of Reuters-Ipsos…
Taylor Swift Inspires 200 Million Fans To Register To Vote In Tennessee
NASHVILLE, TN—Motivating the masses to participate in the democratic process with her popular Instagram post, pop star…
Middlebury Vermont Town Council Continues 242-Year Tradition Of American Democracy With 4-1 Vote To Rezone Lot For New Popeyes
MIDDLEBURY, VT—Following in the hallowed and time-honored civic footsteps of their forefathers, Middlebury town council…
World Leaders Hope Singapore Summit Will Lead To North Korea Becoming Normal Impoverished Country They Don’t Have To Think About
PARIS—Waiting in anticipation of the meeting between U.S. president Donald Trump and North Korean supreme leader Kim…
Americans Freed From North Korea Sent Back To Pyongyang After Denuclearization Talks Fall Through
WASHINGTON—Struggling as they were handcuffed and removed from their homes, three American citizens recently freed from…
Increasingly Obsessed Robert Mueller Forces Wife To Dye Hair Blond, Dress Like Ivanka
WASHINGTON—With the Trump probe constantly preoccupying more and more of the special investigator’s mind, Robert…
Trump Boys Ransack Mueller’s Office To Steal Answer Key To Questions For Their Dad
WASHINGTON—Frantically searching desk drawers, file folders, and the soil of a potted plant, Eric and Donald Trump Jr.…
NY Gubernatorial Race: Andrew Cuomo vs. Cynthia Nixon
Actor and activist Cynthia Nixon is mounting a progressive challenge to incumbent New York governor Andrew Cuomo in a…
Russian Lawyer Admits To Repeatedly Informing Kremlin Of Trump Campaign’s Ineptitude
MOSCOW—Confessing that her relationship with the Putin government was closer than previously disclosed, Russian lawyer…
Timeline Of The White House Correspondents’ Dinner
The White House Correspondents’ Association will be holding its annual dinner on April 28, in a tradition that has…
Pence Unveils Campaign To Educate Teens About Dangers Of Premarital Eye Contact
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing the importance of providing young people with the skills they need to make good decisions as…
Dirty, Disheveled Scott Pruitt Confesses He Spent Last Of EPA Funding Weeks Ago
WASHINGTON—Rocking back and forth in his chair and openly weeping, a dirty, disheveled EPA administrator Scott Pruitt…
Publicist Worried Kanye West’s Support Of Trump Will Damage His Carefully Crafted Public Image As A Manic Self-Absorbed Lunatic
LOS ANGELES—Expressing concern over the fallout from several controversial tweets praising the president, Kanye West’s…
Trump Boys Beg Father To Nominate G.I. Joe Action Figure Cobra Commander For VA Secretary
WASHINGTON—Trying to help out by offering an alternative choice amid controversy over current pick Ronny Jackson,…
Trump Suffering Horrible Indigestion After Eating Fresh, Well-Prepared State Dinner Meal
WASHINGTON—Experiencing searing abdominal pain brought on by the healthy fare, President Trump reportedly suffered…
Naked Eric Trump Runs Through State Dinner Pursued By Screaming Au Pair
WASHINGTON—Zigzagging through the State Dining Room in an effort to avoid bath time, a naked Eric Trump ran through his…