The Inventory

Pope Francis Working Out At Vatican Gym Wearing ‘Sex Abuse Summit 2019’ T-Shirt

Catholic Church Brings In New Perspective On Solving Abuse Scandal With Appointment Of Toddler Bishop

2/26/19 12:59PM

Pope Francis Offers Molested Kids 10% Off At Vatican City Gift Shop

2/21/19 12:44PM

Pope Breaks Ice At Clergy Abuse Summit By Having Everyone Go Around And Say How Many Kids They Molested

2/21/19 11:43AM

Pope Spends Afternoon Filling In Glory Holes All Over St. Peter’s Basilica

2/20/19 10:39AM

Pope Francis: ‘Jesus—I Get Molesting Kids, But Nuns Too?’

2/06/19 11:06AM

Ecstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant

12/19/18 10:43AM

‘Take This Grape For It Is The Witch’s Eye, Take This Spaghetti For It Is The Witch’s Brain,’ Says Pope Francis During Halloween-Themed Communion

10/31/18 12:00PM

Pope Francis Renounces Papacy After Falling In Love With Beautiful American Divorcee

10/08/18 8:48AM

Pope Francis On Vatican Abuse Scandal: ‘Just Tell Me Whose Feet To Wash’

9/13/18 12:58PM

Pope Starting To Suspect Bishops Getting Huge Erections During Meeting On Child Sexual Abuse Might Be Pedophiles

9/12/18 10:54AM

Pope Promises More Open, Transparent Molestation In Future

Vatican On Sex Abuse Report: ‘Listen, No Normal Person Is Going To Sign Up To Be A Priest’

Report: Statistically Speaking There’s Decent Chance Pope Francis Molested Someone

8/15/18 12:48PM

Pope Francis Hastily Condemns Capital Punishment After Vatican Police Announce New Evidence Found In 2014 Stabbing

Pope Francis Admits ‘Like 97%’ Of Past Church Leadership ‘Probably Burning In Hell’

Pope Francis Asks Congregation If It’s Okay If They Do A Low-Key Easter This Year

Pope Francis Finds Self In Hell After Taking Wrong Turn In Vatican Catacombs

Pope Francis Pardons Those Who Dodged The Draft During Crusades

11/09/17 9:20AM

Pope Beatifies God In Important Step Toward Sainthood

10/30/17 9:28AM

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