GAINESVILLE, VA—Cursing under her breath while examining the ultrasound image, area ob-gyn Dr. Geena McDyer was reportedly kind of annoyed Thursday that she had to confirm her patient’s premonition about the sex of her baby that came to her in a dream. “I don’t want to see her smug expression when I tell her she’s…
WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule. “As you can see…
RESTON, VA—Confirming the statistic had reached its lowest level since annual measurements began in 1973, a study released Friday by the National Association for Music Education found that unplanned pregnancies continued their decades-long decline in Bruce Springsteen lyrics. “We discovered that after a steady rise…
FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble. “I’ve been at this for a…
GALVESTON, TX—Amid a spate of public health warnings this week regarding the infectious disease’s devastating effects on fetal development, the Zika virus reportedly joined a lack of paid maternity leave and unaffordable child care as reasons why local woman Shannon Kemp is afraid of becoming pregnant. “I was going to…
WASHINGTON—Arguing that the measure would help women fully understand the consequences of their decision, members of the House of Representatives introduced a new bill this week that would require anyone seeking an abortion to view images of the congressmen she will disappoint prior to undergoing the procedure.…
COLUMBIA, MD—In a purely self-interested move that is certain to set the tone for the next 18 years, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Rebecca McBride is already off to a bad start as a mother after requesting an epidural during the delivery of her first child. According to accounts, McBride took the easy…
According to a small study that has not been peer-reviewed, a mother’s cell phone rings may startle the fetus in the womb and disrupt its sleep cycle. What do you think?
While most first-time mothers in the United States choose to give birth in hospitals that offer epidurals and additional medical assistance, a growing number of women are opting for drug-free, natural births, often at home. Here are the leading arguments for and against natural childbirth:
ROCHESTER, MN—A comprehensive five-year study conducted by researchers at the Mayo Clinic has identified a strong link between heavy drinking during pregnancy and attending a public performance by Detroit-based rap-rocker Kid Rock, officials confirmed Wednesday. “Our survey found that expectant mothers who consumed…
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Celebrity personality Jessica Simpson manually extracted her second-trimester fetus today and posed for photos as part of an exclusive prenatal photoshoot with US Weekly, the tabloid reported. “Here, get one of me kissing it!” said a smiling Simpson to photographers, pressing her lips up against the…
A generic version of Plan B, also known as the morning-after pill, was approved by the FDA and will be available in August. What do you think?
A recent study shows that if a pregnant woman is exposed to high levels of stress, her child is more likely to develop asthma or allergies later in life. What do you think?
FREEPORT, ME—After six months of attempting to conceive of having children, local couple Beth and Nathan Jablonski told reporters Monday that they are still no closer to implanting the notion. "We try almost every night," said a visibly frustrated Nathan, whose underdeveloped sense of responsibility, coupled with…
