Report: More Prisons Now Encouraging Inmates To Explore Their Creativity By Designing Own Method Of Execution

SAN QUENTIN, CA—In a new study examining trends in long-term American incarceration, Cornell University researchers found a marked increase Wednesday in the number of prisons encouraging creativity in death row inmates by allowing them to design the method of their execution. “Our investigation revealed that an…

Warden Scrambling To Find Ways To Punish Striking Inmates Worse Than Their Typical Living Conditions

CRESCENT CITY, CA—In an admission that highlights the internal complexities of the prison worker strike spreading across the nation, Pelican Bay supermax prison warden Earl Daniels has divulged that he is struggling to find methods of punishment worse than the inmates’ current living conditions. “There’s no question…

Sessions Drops Pile Of Weapons In Prison Yard Before Ordering Inmates To Reduce Overcrowding By 30%

ATMORE, AL—Telling the prison’s roughly 1,000 men that “today’s your lucky day,” Attorney General Jeff Sessions reportedly dropped a pile of weapons in Holman Correctional Facility’s main yard Wednesday before ordering inmates to reduce overcrowding by 30 percent. “Here’s the situation—we only got room for 700, so all…

I Was Skeptical At First, But It Turns Out Those 20 Years Of Solitary Confinement Were Exactly What I Needed

When I first found out I was being transferred to solitary confinement, I was pretty nervous. I’d heard stories about how hard “the box” is for guys to handle, and I questioned whether being left completely alone in there for an extended period might start to mess with my head and perhaps even prove counterproductive…

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