CBS Sitcoms Under Fire For Using Prison Laughter
BURBANK, CA—Criticizing the network for the cruel and unusual treatment, inmate rights groups blasted CBS programming…
Emotional El Chapo Reunited With Family Following Passage Of Criminal Justice Reform Bill
NEW YORK—Growing visibly emotional as he expressed gratitude to legislators for their boldness and compassion, Mexican…
Michael Cohen Granted Prison Work Release For New Job With Trump 2020 Campaign
NEW YORK—Following sentencing for his role in a hush-money scandal, Michael Cohen was granted a prison work release for…
Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside
NEW YORK—After receiving a three-year sentence in a federal penitentiary for tax evasion, campaign finance violations,…
Report: More Prisons Now Encouraging Inmates To Explore Their Creativity By Designing Own Method Of Execution
SAN QUENTIN, CA—In a new study examining trends in long-term American incarceration, Cornell University researchers…
Inmates Scrambling To Replace Whitey Bulger In Prison Production Of ‘Guys And Dolls’
BRUCETON MILLS, WV—Stressing the challenge of finding another actor with the stage presence necessary to bring the…
God Confirms Whitey Bulger Sent To Hell For Snitching
HEAVEN—Saying that the former organized crime boss was going where he belonged for his unforgivable sin after his death…
Freeloading Refugee Children Taking Up Thousands Of Prison Cells Meant For Real Americans
MESA, AZ—Disgusted by the gross misuse of resources, concerned citizen and self-described patriot Andrew Beardsley…
Warden Scrambling To Find Ways To Punish Striking Inmates Worse Than Their Typical Living Conditions
CRESCENT CITY, CA—In an admission that highlights the internal complexities of the prison worker strike spreading…
Biggest Guy In Prison Tired Of Every New Inmate Beating Shit Out Of Him On Their First Day
SAN QUENTIN, CA—Expressing frustration with the endless parade of poorly informed new inmates attempting to establish a…
Warden Figures Week In Solitary Ought To Teach Inmate Not To Be Schizophrenic
RAIFORD, FL—Saying that the disciplinary measure would make the prisoner think twice the next time, Union Correctional…
Cellmate Tired Of Suge Knight’s Constant Stories Of ’90s Rap Beefs
LOS ANGELES—Having heard the details so many times he could practically recite them by heart, Reggie Hall, Marion…
Sullen Jeff Sessions Scrolls Through Minority Incarceration Statistics To Cheer Self Up
WASHINGTON—Needing a pick-me-up to shake his glum mood, Attorney General Jeff Sessions reportedly scrolled through some…
Sessions Drops Pile Of Weapons In Prison Yard Before Ordering Inmates To Reduce Overcrowding By 30%
ATMORE, AL—Telling the prison’s roughly 1,000 men that “today’s your lucky day,” Attorney General Jeff Sessions…
Death Row Inmate Saving Some Of Last Meal For Between Execution Attempts
MCALESTER, OK—Saying he knew he would just get hungry again later, Oklahoma State Penitentiary death row inmate Harris…
Texas To Execute Death Row Inmates With New 3-Drug Molotov Cocktail
HUNTSVILLE, TX—In response to a nationwide shortage of the chemicals conventionally used to carry out capital…
Public Assured Escaped Convict Has 24 Years Of Rehabilitation Under His Belt
CREST HILL, IL—While alerting the public Thursday that inmate Leonard Sawyer had escaped from the facility during the…
I Was Skeptical At First, But It Turns Out Those 20 Years Of Solitary Confinement Were Exactly What I Needed
When I first found out I was being transferred to solitary confinement, I was pretty nervous. I’d heard stories about…
Executive Recalls Booming Private Prison Corporation’s Humble Beginnings As Modest 6-Cell Facility
PHOENIX—Speaking to reporters Tuesday from his spacious corner office in the company’s sleek downtown corporate…
Guard Gives Death Row Inmate Every Chance To End Life Before They Try New Execution Drug On Him
CHILLICOTHE, OH—Noting that the effects of the untested chemical combination remain unknown, Chillicothe Correctional…