GOP Leaders Celebrate Decisive Win Over Americans
WASHINGTON—In the wake of the $1.5 trillion tax bill’s historic passage in both the House and the Senate, GOP leaders…
New RNC Ad Endorses Roy Moore: ‘He’s A Scumbag, But He’s Our Scumbag’
WASHINGTON—Recognizing that he’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to walk the face of the earth yet was still on the…
GOP Leaders Confident They’ll Have Cruelty Necessary To Pass Healthcare Bill
WASHINGTON—Increasingly optimistic that the callousness they required would be locked down by the September 30…
GOP Makes Good On 2009 Promise To Block President’s Healthcare Bill
WASHINGTON—Telling Americans this was the kind of leadership and accountability they could expect from the GOP,…
Report: It Unclear Whether Opposition From Every Sector Of American Society Will Have Any Effect On Healthcare Bill Passing
WASHINGTON—As a growing number of interest groups, politicians, and media outlets continue to voice criticism of the…
GOP Recommends Americans Set Aside Income From One Of Their Jobs To Pay For Healthcare Under New Bill
WASHINGTON—In an effort to address concerns about the affordability of coverage, Republican congressional officials…
Obamacare Vs. The GOP’s New Health Plan
Obamacare: Those who don’t obtain health insurance are penalized
Republicans Vow Not To Repeal Obamacare Without Detailed Plan For Disposing Of Patients’ Disease-Ridden Corpses
WASHINGTON—In an effort to allay concerns over how the abrupt removal of Obamacare would impact millions covered by the…
GOP Promises Americans Will Be Able To Keep Current Medical Conditions If Obamacare Repealed
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reassure citizens ahead of a planned effort to overhaul the U.S. healthcare system,…
Man At Point Where Thought Of Reince Priebus Controlling White House Pretty Comforting
DENVER—Growing increasingly unsettled at the president-elect’s choice of advisors and the prospect of life under a…
Moderator Explains That GOP Will Have 2 Minutes After Every Trump Response To Distance Selves From Candidate
PARADISE, NV—Reminding viewers of the agreed-upon rules before the start of Wednesday’s third presidential debate,…
GOP Leaders’ Daughters: ‘It’s Pretty Fucked Up If We’re The Only Reason You’re Denouncing Trump’s Statements’
WASHINGTON—Saying they felt physically sickened by the notion that the lewd and disturbing comments weren’t enough to…
Damning Video Surfaces Of Trump Accepting GOP Nomination For President
WASHINGTON—Following on the heels of other troubling revelations that have forced a growing number of Republican…
Reince Priebus Smiles, Shakes Head While Flipping Through Old Briefing On GOP’s Plans For 2016
WASHINGTON—Breaking into a smile as he read the words “inclusiveness” and “young voters,” RNC chairman Reince Priebus…
Republican Establishment Quietly Relieved Party No Longer Their Responsibility
WASHINGTON—Having failed to prevent Donald Trump from securing their party’s presidential nomination despite a…
How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump
In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up…
Shimmering Immaculate Republican Candidate Appears Before GOP Officials
‘It’s Him,’ Stunned Conservative Leaders Mutter