Third-Grader Watching Another Year Of Back To School Commercials Suddenly Realizes He’ll Die One Day

WINCHESTER, MA—Spellbound by his own thoughts as the words “Classroom Essentials” appeared on screen and washed over him in a cold tide of sudden awareness, incoming third-grader Harrison Jacobs was struck Friday by a sudden recognition of his own mortality brought on by another year of back-to-school commercials.…

Oklahoma Leaders Claim Teachers’ Strike Betrays Values Of Nation’s 1914 Founding By Abraham Lincoln And Orville Redenbacher

OKLAHOMA CITY—Calling the demands to fully fund schools “a slap in the face” to the great men who built this country, Oklahoma state leaders denounced the ongoing teachers’ strike Tuesday for betraying the values upon which Abraham Lincoln and Orville Redenbacher founded America in 1914. “This goes against everything…