Older Cafeteria Monitor Not A Teacher Or Parent Or Anything
DENVER, CO—Finding themselves unable to explain the mystery woman’s presence in the lunchroom, grade-school sources…
Teen Weirded Out After Running Over English Teacher Outside Of School
NEW ALBANY, OH—Commenting upon the odd feeling produced by the chance encounter, local teenager Evelyn Hildebrand…
Weird Kid Opts To Sit Perfectly Still, Let Universe Decide His Fate After Teacher Instructs Class To Pair Up
LAUREL, MD—Telling himself the wisest course of action was to avoid all eye contact and let the chips fall where they…
Chemistry Teacher Encouraging Students To Fuck Around With Bunsen Burners In Last-Ditch Effort To Prove Science Is Cool
COLUMBUS, OH—In what was interpreted as a final attempt to foster scientific curiosity in high school juniors, James A.…
Shop Class In Rich School District Just Teaches Students How To Deal With General Contractors
SCARSDALE, NY—Touting the ordinarily trade-school course as an opportunity for students to learn practical life skills,…
Pros And Cons Of Delaying School Start Time
Many medical professionals and parents believe that starting school so early in the day has negative consequences for…
Report: Underfunded Public Schools Lacking Basic Support Systems Leave Students Perfectly Prepared For Rest Of Life
WASHINGTON—A report released Thursday by the U.S. Department of Education revealed that underfunded American public…
High School History Textbook Concludes With Little Blurb About Last 40 Years
EDISON, NJ—Immediately after dedicating 20 pages to the end of the Vietnam War and its aftermath, 11th-grade social…
Report: Students Who Take Latin Have Better Chance Of Summoning Demon Later In Life
CHICAGO—Saying the classical language was a practical choice for anyone interested in awakening the dead, a new report…
Polite High School Football Team Runs Around Banner That Took Hours To Make
GRANDVIEW, TX—Sprinting onto the field with a thundering roar of “Pardon us, please,” the scrupulously polite Grandview…
4th Grader Panics Upon Realizing Classmate Giving Presentation Had Exact Same Summer As He Did
ALBANY, NY—Shaken to his core by the realization that he had independently shared every significant detail of his…
High School Drama Teacher Already Has Pretty Good Idea Who He’ll Pick For Fall Girlfriend
DUBUQUE, IA—Noting his decades of teaching experience and keen eye for talent, East Dubuque High School drama teacher…
Middle School Janitor Can Already Tell He Going To Have To Befriend New Kid
PORTLAND, OR—Reluctantly acknowledging that he would soon need to go out of his way to strike up conversations with the…
Whoa, Classmate Got Totally Hideous Over Summer Vacation
SANTA MARIA, CA—Completely floored by his new appearance, sources at Pioneer Valley High School confirmed Monday that,…
Report: High School Marching Band Definitely In Shape Of Something
OAK PARK, IL—Noting that the musicians had left their straight-line formation and stopped very cleanly, sources…
6th-Graders Feel Kind Of Bad After Seeing How Easy It Was To Make Young Teacher Cry
KAUKAUNA, WI—Given pause after witnessing the consequences of their actions, members of a sixth-grade class at River…
High School Bully Ready To Unload Summer Vacation’s Worth Of Abuse
BALA CYNWYD, PA—His pent-up frustration and anger at an all-time high following a brutal break, high school bully…
Third-Grader Watching Another Year Of Back To School Commercials Suddenly Realizes He’ll Die One Day
WINCHESTER, MA—Spellbound by his own thoughts as the words “Classroom Essentials” appeared on screen and washed over…