Neil deGrasse Tyson Debunks Stadium’s Home Run Animation Depicting Ball Launching Into The Stratosphere

NEW YORK—Slamming the pixelated video as “ludicrous” and having no basis in real-life physics, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson released a statement Wednesday debunking Yankee Stadium’s home run animation depicting a baseball being launched into Earth’s stratosphere. “First of all, absolutely no amount of human…

World-Eating Leviathan Awoken From 500-Million-Year Slumber In Martian Underground Lake After Feeling Sonar Disturbance

PARIS—Shortly following a transmission sent by the Mars Express spacecraft verifying that its instruments had detected a subglacial lake a mile below the planet’s surface, the European Space Agency confirmed Thursday that the orbiter’s surface-penetrating radar had disturbed the eternal and unspeakable dreaming of an…

Curiosity Rover Frantically Driving Around Mars To Make It Look Like It’s Been Busy Before New Spacecraft Arrives

MARS—In a desperate attempt to make up for years of aimless planetary wandering, the Curiosity Rover spent most of Monday frantically driving around the Red Planet in order give the impression that it had been busy before the impending arrival of NASA’s InSight Lander. “Aw, fuck, I’m going to be up all night scouring…