This The Fuck Harness Sex Shop Worker Has At Home
PHILADELPHIA—Calling Euphornica the only model he trusts with his raw-dogging needs, Pleasure Cove employee Jason…
Pretentious Woman Refers To Slam Piece As ‘Partner’
BOULDER, CO—Complaining about the 25-year-old’s superficial choice deviating from society’s standard relationship…
Pervert On Subway Won’t Stop Staring At Masturbator
NEW YORK—Questioning what had become of common decency, passengers aboard a Brooklyn-bound F train expressed feelings…
CDC Introduces ‘Raw Dog’ The STI Pup To Educate Children About The Dangers Of Unprotected Sex
ATLANTA—In an effort to introduce the subject in a fun and kid-friendly way, the Centers for Disease Control and…
Kinky Girlfriend Wants To Try Sexual Pleasure Tonight
TULSA, OK—Saying that the admission represented a momentous new step in their relationship, advertising salesman Vince…
Bill Gates Offering $1 Million To Anyone Who Can Design Condom He Can’t Break
MEDINA, WA—Explaining that not a single one has ever been able to contain his “monster hog,” billionaire philanthropist…
Man Wondering If There Might Be Some Sort Of Website Featuring Footage Of Sexual Acts One May View For Purposes Of Self-Gratification
DAVENPORT, IA—Musing philosophically on the deeply pleasurable possibilities, local man and potential electronic voyeur…
Area Man Fantasized About For One And Only Time In His Life
KILLEEN, TX—In a singular and anomalous break in his lifelong absence from the wandering thoughts of humanity at large,…
Father Sits Teenage Son Down To Explain How Sex With Mom Works
BOCA RATON, FL—Deciding it was about time they had “the talk,” local father Timothy Bennet pulled his 13-year-old son…
Christian Pornographer Refuses To Film Sex Tape For Gay Couple
ATLANTA—Saying it would violate his deeply held religious beliefs, area pornographer Chet Kirkendall, a 57-year-old…
FBI Reveals Maria Butina Traded Sex In Exchange For All 62,984,828 Votes Trump Received In 2016
WASHINGTON—Saying that their investigation indicated her involvement in election interference went deeper than…
New Ford Pickup Features Extendable Tailgate For Teens Getting Pregnant Beneath Fireworks Display
DEARBORN, MI—Saying their best-selling line of full-sized trucks will now have greater appeal to those Americans who…
Study Finds ‘Missionary,’ ‘In Love’ Most Popular Porn Search Terms
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—A study published Friday by Rutgers University’s Center for Media Studies confirmed that “missionary”…
Couple Fucking At Next Table Obviously On Third Date
SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Unable to help themselves from eavesdropping on the interaction going on in the romantic corner…
‘I Was The One Who Slept With Stormy Daniels,’ Says Sonny Perdue In Desperate Attempt To Serve As Trump’s Fall Guy
WASHINGTON—Fervently proclaiming that he was actually the one responsible for the scandal involving the adult film…
New Evidence Suggests First Gallows Created As Early Attempt At Autoerotic Asphyxiation
BALTIMORE—In an announcement that sheds new light on the history of an apparatus traditionally regarded as execution…
Masturbating Mom Can’t Get Bobby Flay Southwestern Eggs Demo To Stop Buffering
ATLANTA—Frustrated that the video froze right as the chef started stirring in the poblano peppers, local mom Debbie…