Grandma’s #MeToo Stories Fucking Horrifying
TULSA, OK—Visibly upset by the lengthy conversation with her paternal grandmother, bistro manager Allison Boyer, 24,…
Producer Tells Actress Non-Disclosure Agreement Pretty Standard For Getting Away With Abusing His Power
LOS ANGELES—Dismissing it as nothing more than “a bunch of legal-ese” giving him free rein to make her life hell, film…
GOP Officials: Kavanaugh Shouldn’t Be Held Accountable For Something He Did As White Teenager
WASHINGTON—Vehemently defending the Supreme Court nominee against recent allegations of sexual assault, GOP officials…
CBS To Retain Les Moonves’ Services In Smaller Sexual-Predator-At-Large Role
NEW YORK—In an effort to mentor their next generation of corporate talent, CBS representatives announced Monday that…
Frustrated Men Demand To Know ‘Exactly Where On Tits It Okay To Touch Nowadays’
KUTZTOWN, PA—Expressing their confusion and anger over today’s ever-changing social mores, the nation’s self-described…
I’m Not Sure Why I Should Suffer For Something I Did 10 Years Ago And Would Do Again In A Heartbeat
Recently, several accusations have been made against me—eight women have come forward to claim I made inappropriate…
CBS Reveals ‘Big Bang Theory’ Season 12 Will Explore Why Sheldon Keeps Job After Sexually Harassing 6 Research Assistants
NEW YORK—As part of a preview of the network’s fall slate of shows, CBS revealed Monday that season 12 of the…
Man Unsure How To Expose Self To Woman He Likes Without Coming Off As A Creep
DAVENPORT, IA—Acknowledging that his purely romantic intentions could easily be misunderstood, potential suitor James…
Frothing Alex Jones Claims Sexual Harassment Part Of Worldwide Imbalance In Gender Power Dynamics
AUSTIN, TX—In the wake of allegations of sexual misconduct by two former employees at his site, InfoWars, a frothing,…
New Evidence Suggests President George Washington Sent Woodcut Of Penis To Secretary
PHILADELPHIA—Saying the discovery shed new light on the father of our country, a team of University of Pennsylvania…
Boss’s Sexual Harassment A Lot More Cautious Lately
MEMPHIS, TN—Noticing a marked difference in the way he conducts himself in the workplace, sources reported Monday that…
CNN Investigating Reports Of Wolf Blitzer’s Highly Proper Sexual Conduct
NEW YORK—After a fourth woman stepped forward alleging that the journalist had engaged her in a respectful and entirely…
Trump Dismisses Accusers As Women
WASHINGTON—In response to the 15 individuals who have come forward alleging sexual misconduct by the president, Donald…
Al Franken: ‘I’m Deeply Sorry For My Hilarious Actions’
WASHINGTON—Saying he could no longer joke effectively in the Senate, Congressman Al Franken announced Thursday that he…