Nov 16News In Photos11/16/20News In Photos11/16/20NASA Curiosity Rover Plummets 100 Feet Off Martian Crater Edge While Trying To Take Selfie
Oct 27News in Brief10/27/20News in Brief10/27/20New Environmental Initiative Calls For Planting 20 Million New EarthsNEW YORK—Declaring that bold effort was the only way to stave off the devastating planetary effects of climate…
Oct 16News In Photos10/16/20News In Photos10/16/20ISS Dumps Payload Of Urine-Filled Soda Bottles That Have Accumulated Over Past Year
Oct 14News in Brief10/14/20News in Brief10/14/20Report: Majority Of Astronauts Feel Deep Sense Of Hatred, Disgust Towards Humanity Upon Viewing Earth From OrbitALBUQUERQUE, NM—A report released Wednesday by the University of New Mexico’s psychology department revealed that…
Oct 12News in Brief10/12/20News in Brief10/12/20NASA’s Hubble Telescope Captures Rare Sight Of 2 Galaxies MatingBALTIMORE—Calling the images “a stunning glimpse into how the vast star systems of the universe procreate,” NASA…
Sep 15News In Photos9/15/20News In Photos9/15/20Astronomers Speculate Existence Of Life On Venus After Discovering Marriage Proposal In Planet’s Clouds
Aug 5News in Brief8/5/20News in Brief8/5/20Herbalife Launches Sampler Kit Into Deep Space To Share Once-In-A-Lifetime Business Opportunity With Alien CivilizationsLOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that, for a limited time only, there would be no minimum purchases required for new team…
Jul 30News in Brief7/30/20News in Brief7/30/20Theoretical Astro-Fetishists Posit Black Holes Could Be Used For Anonymous Sex Across Parallel UniversesBERKELEY, CA—Building on previous work into the hidden dimensions of sexual ecstasy that lie beyond our…
May 21News In Photos5/21/20News In Photos5/21/20Confused Primitive Extraterrestrial Shrugs, Take Huge Bite Of Golden Record
May 5News in Brief5/5/20News in Brief5/5/20BREAKING: Millions Of Americans Sucked Out Into Space After NASA Accidentally Open Airlock Above HeadquartersWASHINGTON—Millions of Americans were reportedly sucked into the vacuum of outer space Tuesday after the country’s…
Apr 28News In Photos4/28/20News In Photos4/28/20Creatively Unfulfilled Hubble Telescope Transitions From Photography To Decoupage
Mar 30News in Brief3/30/20News in Brief3/30/20Man Watching Space Force Rocket Launch Gazes In Awe At The Power Of Human StupidityCAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Struggling to put his powerful feelings into words, local man Luke Paulsen was reportedly gazing…
Feb 10News in Brief2/10/20News in Brief2/10/20NASA Launches Really Nice Nikon DSLR Camera Strapped To Rocket To Gather Photos Of SunCAPE CANAVERAL—Expressing excitement about the collaborative mission with the European Space Agency, NASA officials…
Jan 30News In Photos1/30/20News In Photos1/30/20Hubble Telescope Reveals Earth Caught In Massive Spider Web Spanning Entire Galaxy
Jan 29News in Brief1/29/20News in Brief1/29/20Lost Grandfather With Dementia Found Hundreds Of Miles Away From Home Wandering International Space StationSADDLE RIVER, NEW JERSEY—In a continuation of his alarming tendency to wander off as a result of his advanced…
Jan 22News in Brief1/22/20News in Brief1/22/20God Stumbles On Old, Beat-Up Planet That He Carved ‘Mötley Crüe’ All OverTHE HEAVENS—Reminiscing over how much time had passed since His days as a younger deity, God, Our Heavenly Father,…
Aug 13 2019Photo Finish8/13/19Photo Finish8/13/19Flipping Simone Biles Still Floating Through Upper Mesosphere
Jul 24 2019News in Brief7/24/19News in Brief7/24/19Real Estate Agents Trying To Gentrify Run-Down Earth By Renaming It West SaturnORION ARM—Emphasizing the short billion-mile trip from the ringed planet’s metro center to the historic and…
Jul 19 2019News in Brief7/19/19News in Brief7/19/19Real Buzz Aldrin Spends 50th Straight Year On Moon Trying To Signal Earth To Warn Of ImposterVALLIS ALPES, THE MOON—Yelling and waving his arms frantically in the hope that someone out there was paying…