Curiosity Rover Frantically Driving Around Mars To Make It Look Like It’s Been Busy Before New Spacecraft Arrives

MARS—In a desperate attempt to make up for years of aimless planetary wandering, the Curiosity Rover spent most of Monday frantically driving around the Red Planet in order give the impression that it had been busy before the impending arrival of NASA’s InSight Lander. “Aw, fuck, I’m going to be up all night scouring…

‘You Thought You Could Get Rid Of Me?’ Says Cassini Probe Emerging From Shadows To Confront Petrified NASA Administrator

WASHINGTON—Appearing silently and without warning in the space agency’s parking garage, the Cassini probe reportedly emerged from the shadows Monday and uttered “You thought you could get rid of me?” while confronting petrified NASA administrator Robert Lightfoot, Jr. “I bet you never thought you’d see me again, did…

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