Moon Now Overrun With Cane Toads After Species Accidentally Introduced Into Environment During Apollo 17 Mission
HOUSTON—Apologizing for the destruction wreaked by the invasive species, NASA announced Thursday that the Moon is now…
NASA Catches Glimpse Of Hard-Charging Curiosity Rover Just Before InSight’s Communications Go Dark
PASADENA, CA—According to panicking officials at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, the new InSight lander successfully…
Astronomers Confirm Moon Will Have Dozens Of New Phases In 2019
HOUSTON, TX—Predicting that the upcoming lunar looks would delight stargazers all over the world, astronomers confirmed…
Buzz Aldrin Recalls How Easy It Was Getting To The Moon
SATELLITE BEACH, FL—Referring to the Apollo 11 spaceflight and lunar landing as a “walk in the park,” astronaut Buzz…
Pros And Cons Of Trump’s Space Force
President Trump is apparently moving forward on his controversial proposal to create a space force as the sixth branch…
NASA Scientists Make Life-Changing Discovery But You Kind Of Had To Be There
WASHINGTON—Admitting that a second-hand retelling would not do their findings justice, NASA scientists confirmed…
Pentagon Officials Listen In Silence As Mike Pence Details Plans For Angel-Guided Defense Weapons System
WASHINGTON—Feigning polite interest throughout the 90-minute meeting, Pentagon officials from all five branches of the…
Neil deGrasse Tyson Debunks Stadium’s Home Run Animation Depicting Ball Launching Into The Stratosphere
NEW YORK—Slamming the pixelated video as “ludicrous” and having no basis in real-life physics, astrophysicist Neil…
World-Eating Leviathan Awoken From 500-Million-Year Slumber In Martian Underground Lake After Feeling Sonar Disturbance
PARIS—Shortly following a transmission sent by the Mars Express spacecraft verifying that its instruments had detected…
Dozens Of White Houses Materialize From Temporal Vortex As Trump’s Changing Account Of Putin Meeting Tears Apart Space-Time
WASHINGTON—Revealing that the physical world could no longer bear the weight of numerous contradictory realities,…
Curiosity Rover Finds 5 Bucks On Mars
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Stunned by both the sheer good fortune of their discovery and its implications for future…
Report: Universe To End Next Friday
GENEVA—A coalition of scientists at CERN announced this morning that the Universe, the accumulation of matter and…
NASA Says Presence Of Diving Board On Mars Confirms Planet May Have Once Contained Water
WASHINGTON—Saying the groundbreaking discovery could help shed new light on the history of the Red Planet, NASA…
Curiosity Rover Frantically Driving Around Mars To Make It Look Like It’s Been Busy Before New Spacecraft Arrives
MARS—In a desperate attempt to make up for years of aimless planetary wandering, the Curiosity Rover spent most of…
NASA Announces Plans To Place Giant Pair Of Shades On Sun
WASHINGTON—In an effort to make the solar system’s central star look as badass as possible, NASA officials announced…
SpaceX Reveals All 400 Dogs On Falcon Rocket Failed To Survive Trip
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Explaining that the immense pressure and heat within the cabin had proved too much for their fragile…
NASA Celebrates 60th Anniversary Of Launching First Moon To Orbit Earth
WASHINGTON—Commemorating what is widely considered to be the greatest achievement of space exploration, NASA on Tuesday…