Coed Rec Softball Team Having Trouble Finding Enough Hyper-Competitive Men To Ruin Experience
SAN DIEGO, CA—Admitting that filling the positions had proven far more difficult than expected, a local coed softball…
Joe Maddon Saves Up All His Mound Visits For One Long Trip In 8th Inning
CHICAGO—Touting the lack of pressure to squeeze something into every second of the excursion, Cubs manager Joe Maddon…
LeBron James Credits Teammates With Providing 4 Bodies Necessary To Avoid Forfeiture Against Pacers
CLEVELAND—Generously admitting that he most likely would not have been able to beat the gritty, defensive-minded Pacers…
Don Mattingly Yelling At Marlins For Leaving Dome Open With AC On
MIAMI—Unleashing a furious tirade after finding the roof retracted for the third time this month, Miami Marlins manager…
Jerry Jones Hoping To Use 2018 Draft To Find Long-Term Solution At Mistress
DALLAS—Revealing that the Cowboys owner was looking for stability at an essential position, team sources confirmed…
Bears GM Wavering Between Drafting Good Player Or Bad Player
CHICAGO—Admitting that he was torn over which one would be the best fit for the roster, Chicago Bears general manager…
Tom Brady Reveals That Humanity Will Perish Long Before He Retires
FOXBOROUGH, MA—Assuring fans and reporters that his football career was far from over, New England Patriots quarterback…
Kobe Bryant Hits Editing Bay To Train In Defense Of This Year’s Oscar Win
LOS ANGELES—Dedicating himself to improving his skills every day in search of a repeat victory in the Best Animated…
Michael Jordan Attacks Softness, Lack Of Competitiveness In Modern Blackjack Players
LAS VEGAS—Guaranteeing they couldn’t “hack it” back in the ’80s and ’90s, former NBA star Michael Jordan spoke out…