Blockchain technology forms the foundation for cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and Ethereum, but it can be difficult to understand how it actually works. The Onion answers common questions about blockchain technology.

ATLANTA—Screaming as loudly as he could while army-crawling towards the “finicky” router, Gogo Internet technician Bart Corfield reportedly urged passengers to “try it now” Thursday while standing on the wing fixing their in-flight wireless connection. “I’m just going to turn it off and on real quick, and you guys…

The widespread presence of bots on the internet has driven concerns about their effects on social media, cybersecurity, and public discourse, but internet bots are far from a new phenomenon. The Onion takes a look at the history of bots on the internet.

CLEVELAND—Admitting that it had little chance of surviving the next purge, plant-identification app Plantr acknowledged Wednesday that it would be a goner the next time 36-year-old phone owner Kevin Stetson needed space for his photos. “God, if he shoots a few videos on his weekend trip to Columbus, it won’t just be…

PALO ALTO, CA—Lauding the important addition to the company’s leadership team, Onion Social announced Thursday the hiring of James Damore to serve as chief technology officer. “Mr. Damore really impressed us with the clarity of his thinking and his innovative solutions to today’s most pressing issues in the tech…

GRAND ISLAND, NE—In an effort to ensure their visitor was completely comfortable and conversant with all entertainment amenities, houseguest Brian Heatley was thoroughly briefed Thursday on the TV remote’s “Input 1” and “Input 2” modes and their corresponding effects on the family entertainment system. “Okay, one is…

LONDON—Noting that his treatment from colleagues recently ranged from avoiding eye contact by some to the occasional incident of spitting directly into his face by others, Cambridge Analytica whistleblower Christopher Wylie admitted Friday that the last few weeks at work have been unusually awkward. “The vibe has…

Cyberattacks continue to rise in frequency and scope, affecting everyone from private citizens to corporations to city governments, with frequently embarrassing or distressing results. The Onion takes a look at some key facts about cybercrime.

SAN BRUNO, CA—Cautioning against the possibility that disturbed video bloggers may seek to emulate the actions of Nasim Aghdam, law enforcement authorities released a statement on Wednesday addressing fears that the YouTube shooter may inspire a wave of copycat content creators. “As guardians of public safety, we…

LOS ANGELES—Hailing the text as a fascinating addition to the author’s established oeuvre, researchers cataloging the personal archives of Michael Crichton announced Wednesday that they had uncovered an unpublished manuscript about an amusement park that operates without a hitch. “This is an incredible find,” said…

SEATTLE—Deciding at the last minute to hold off due to ethical concerns, Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly set aside his latest cost-cutting initiative Wednesday after realizing it was actually human slavery. “On the surface, it seemed plausible—owning our employees’ bodies, implementing a mandatory 18-hour…

SAN FRANCISCO—During an investigation Tuesday into the first pedestrian fatality caused by a driverless automobile, an Uber representative reportedly told a National Transportation Safety Board detective, “As you can see, they are quite harmless,” while showing him a warehouse full of sleeping autonomous cars. “Look…

DOVER, DE—Getting quickly sidetracked by the mistakes on the insurance company’s “See My Benefits” page, local hacker Ben Kerrigan resolved Monday to just fix a few annoying typos on Guaranteed Health’s website before stealing their customer data. “Jesus, there are so many misspellings and doubled-up words in this…

MENLO PARK, CA—Responding to widespread criticism over the hoaxes and political disinformation featured on its platform, Facebook announced at a press conference Friday a new initiative to combat fake news by making the inaccurate stories on the social media site actually happen.

HAWTHORNE, CA—Kicking himself as the full scope of his ignorance dawned on him, Elon Musk reportedly admitted his embarrassment Thursday after realizing he was proposing an idea for a thing that already exists. “You’ve got to be kidding me—I’ve been pouring all this money and energy into developing a concept that’s…