ROCHESTER, NY—Honoring their performance and consistency in regularly appearing up and down the high-score screen for decades, the World Video Game Hall Of Fame formally inducted “ASS” into its hallowed collection in a gala ceremony Friday. “After years of being overlooked for outstanding contributions to gaming in…
NEW YORK—Claiming the video game company’s unauthorized, decades-long use of their brand and intellectual property has resulted in financial losses running into the hundreds of millions, the National Football League sued Electronic Arts Tuesday to stop the production, sale, and distribution of its unlicensed “Madden…
CLEVELAND—Growing ever more frustrated as he found himself spending his 10th minute of the day on non-interactive animation designed to advance the game’s plot, gamer Kyle Pierce told reporters Monday that even after spending 137 hours playing Xenoblade Chronicles 2, he could not believe that he has to waste his…
NEW YORK—Having concluded they are at best nice little distractions suitable for children and adolescents, researchers at Columbia University released a report Tuesday confirming video games will never reach the level of art. “Our findings show that video games can be a fun activity, especially for children 14 and…
LOS ANGELES—Lavishing praise on Nintendo for its fresh and inspired design, a reviewer declared Thursday that a new game in which Mario sometimes dresses as a chef is “simply bursting with creative wonder.” “Every moment of this delightful adventure is overflowing with wildly innovative ideas that take the franchise…
CASTLE FALGAR—Wondering what the man could possibly have been planning with such a purchase, video game shopkeeper Eldoth Silvershield told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to get suspicious of a customer who had recently bought 800 bombs in a single visit. “Usually I don’t ask questions, but this guy just…
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Claiming their findings could radically alter the very notion of reality, researchers from MIT published a study Tuesday postulating that Sonic the Hedgehog might be living in a sophisticated computer simulation. “It’s not implausible that Sonic’s universe, from the engineering marvels of Scrap Brain…
CHICAGO—Telling reporters Monday that it was one of the most memorable two-on-two Tournament Mode games of his storied career, former NBA Hangtime announcer Dick Walters described calling Scottie Pippen’s classic 1997 fire double dunk game. “I could tell Pippen was going to have a good night once he threw down that…
DREAM LAND—With large bags under his oval-shaped eyes and his skin a pallid shade of bubblegum pink, a gaunt, sickly Kirby announced Wednesday that he would be taking a leave of absence from video games after being diagnosed with stomach cancer. “After a biopsy by Dr. Mario discovered a series of tumors along my…
Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:
LOS ANGELES—In a stunning development that sent shockwaves through the gaming community, Nintendo announced during their Electronic Entertainment Expo presentation Tuesday that Donkey Kong will be left off the upcoming edition of Super Smash Bros. after failing to make weight. “Donkey Kong’s disappointing…
FINDLAY, OH—Gently setting down his PlayStation 3 controller and offering a congratulatory handshake, local father Gary Bullock reportedly became visibly emotional Wednesday after his 14-year-old son, Alex, beat him for the first time in a game of NBA 2K17. “I knew the day would eventually come when Alex would be able…
CHAPEL HILL, NC—Suggesting a dangerous and potentially deadly connection, a study published Monday by the University of North Carolina found that exposure to violent children causes increased aggression in video game characters. “Our research shows that video game characters who regularly spend time with violent…
