Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People
OVERLAND PARK, KS–Stung by flagging album sales and Eminem's supplanting him as Middle America's worst nightmare, shock…
Irish Wake A Blur
BOSTON–According to attendees, Saturday's wake for police officer Joseph "Joe" O'Malley was a total blur. "I think…
Diners Slightly Unnerved That Waitress Didn't Write Down Order
PORTLAND, OR–A Chili's waitress identified only as "Karen" made a six-person lunch party uncomfortable Monday when she…
Annoying Coworker Precedes All Nouns With 'Quite The'
WICHITA, KS–Wichita Gas & Electric payroll secretary Patti Smolensk has thoroughly irritated coworkers with her habit…
Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay
ALBEMARLE, NC–The sexual identity of Super Bowl viewer Henry Bracken was challenged Sunday, when a slow-motion instant…
Celebrity Couples Are Breaking Up!
Item! It's not just Oscar season, it's also break-up season! Among the Hollywood couples packing up their belongings…
Rock's First Billionaire
With a net worth estimated at $1.07 billion, Paul McCartney recently became the word's first billionaire pop star.…
This Mug Exaggerates My Grandfathering Skills To An Embarrassing Degree
My word. I still can't believe I was even nominated.
Hillary In 2004?
The 2000 presidential election is barely in the books, but talk has already turned to the possibility of Hillary…
Finest Opera Singer Of Her Generation Unknown By Her Generation
NEW YORK–Alessandra Coletti, the 22-year-old mezzo-soprano sensation, has stunned opera-loving octogenarians around the…
Area Man Proudly Accepts Exit-Row Responsibilities
CHICAGO–Air traveler Lynn Paschal feels physically and mentally ready to fulfill the duties of an exit-row passenger…
Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities
WASHINGTON, DC–Despite other academic shortcomings, inner-city youths possess a firmer grasp of the metric system than…