OVERLAND PARK, KS–Stung by flagging album sales and Eminem's supplanting him as Middle America's worst nightmare, shock rocker Marilyn Manson has embarked on a door-to-door tour of suburbia in a desperate, last-ditch effort to shock and offend average Americans.
BOSTON–According to attendees, Saturday's wake for police officer Joseph "Joe" O'Malley was a total blur. "I think someone said something about remembering all the good times with Joe," said friend Patrick Monaghan, attempting to piece together details of the event Sunday. "Exactly which good times we remembered are…
PORTLAND, OR–A Chili's waitress identified only as "Karen" made a six-person lunch party uncomfortable Monday when she didn't write down their orders. "We ordered a heck of a lot of stuff," diner Dennis Bernardo told his dining companions. "You think she'll actually remember the 'no olives' in Bob's Greek salad? And…
WICHITA, KS–Wichita Gas & Electric payroll secretary Patti Smolensk has thoroughly irritated coworkers with her habit of prefacing all nouns with "quite the," WG&E sources reported Monday. "She said, 'That's quite the mug you've got there' when I walked into the breakroom with a snowman-shaped mug," file clerk Cassie…
ALBEMARLE, NC–The sexual identity of Super Bowl viewer Henry Bracken was challenged Sunday, when a slow-motion instant replay showed the sinewy buttocks of Baltimore Ravens running back Jamal Lewis undulating hypnotically through his high-sheen spandex pants. Bracken, 41, was watching the game at his Albemarle home…
Item! It's not just Oscar season, it's also break-up season! Among the Hollywood couples packing up their belongings and moving to Splitsville are Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin. Rumors have it that both of them were unhappy with the other's ballooning weight, so they decided to split before the situation got worse.…
With a net worth estimated at $1.07 billion, Paul McCartney recently became the word's first billionaire pop star. Among the former Beatle's holdings:
My word. I still can't believe I was even nominated.
The 2000 presidential election is barely in the books, but talk has already turned to the possibility of Hillary Clinton making a White House run in 2004. What do you think?
NEW YORK–Alessandra Coletti, the 22-year-old mezzo-soprano sensation, has stunned opera-loving octogenarians around the globe with her astonishing range, power, and upper-register control. Touted as the greatest female opera singer of her generation, the Milan-born, New York-bred Coletti is completely unknown among…
CHICAGO–Air traveler Lynn Paschal feels physically and mentally ready to fulfill the duties of an exit-row passenger should tragedy strike United Airlines Flight 234 en route to Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport, sources close to the 34-year-old confirmed Monday.
WASHINGTON, DC–Despite other academic shortcomings, inner-city youths possess a firmer grasp of the metric system than their peers in suburban and rural areas, according to a Department Of Education study released Monday.
