The Pope's Beatifications
Pope John Paul II beatified five people last week, among them a German mystic whose violent visions of Christ's…
Boilermakers Protest Purdue's Mascot
WEST LAFAYETTE, IN—More than 200 members of the International Brotherhood of Boilermakers picketed outside Ross-Ade…
Pringles Level At Six Inches And Falling
CINCINNATI—Snack experts warned Monday at 9:15 p.m. that the Pringles level within the Cody household had dipped to a…
U.N. To Look For Genocide In Darfur
Last week, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan set up a commission to determine whether genocide has taken place in the…
World Bank Forecloses On World Farm
WASHINGTON, DC—Following years of threats, the World Bank foreclosed on the World Farm, a 64,000-square-mile plot of…
Apartment-Hunting Tips
Hunting for an apartment is hard work, but here are some pointers to help you find your perfect living space:
Latino Community Empowered By Coke Commercial
LOS ANGELES—A Coca-Cola commercial celebrating Latin American culture made its debut on several major networks last…
Long-Lost Jules Verne Short Story 'The Camera-Phone' Found
AMIENS, FRANCE—Literary scholars announced Monday that they have unearthed a 33-page handwritten manuscript of "The…
Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th Consecutive Day
SANTEE, CA—Family dog Loki experienced the best day of his life for the 400th straight day Monday, the black Labrador…
It's Hard When A Close Relative Of Somebody You Pretend To Like Dies
When I saw Laura rush out of the office with her coat over her arm one day last month, I assumed she was on her way to…
Cheney Vows To Attack U.S. If Kerry Elected
GREENSBORO, NC—In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday…
Fat Roommate Travels All The Way To Tennessee Just To Fuck Some Girl
MINNEAPOLIS—Overweight 26-year-old Michael Paulson bid a temporary farewell to the apartment he shares with three…