Vol 43 Issue 34

HONEYSUCKLE CORNERS, MO—A Missouri town's doily factory will close down for good this week, potentially spelling the…

Since 1997, the use of prescription painkillers in the United States has risen 88 percent, and oxycodone, the main…

Women Get Vote, Rest Rooms

ANN ARBOR, MI—After completing a poem originally titled "Last Dawnbreak," local poet Keith Taylor spent five…

WASHINGTON, DC—In an emblematic move intended to stand in for the official symbolic reprimand of the president, a…

A new study shows that smokers have a poorer-than-average work performance and call in sick more than non-smokers.…

NEW YORK—Struggling to find purpose in life after his realization that the Giants' 13-12 victory over the Ravens…

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning interrupted an intrasquad scrimmage Tuesday for…

GREELY, CO—College football officials are hopeful that the guilty verdict handed down in the case of Mitch Cozad,…

Michael Vick's criminal case may be dramatic, but the situation is hardly new. Onion Sports takes a quick look at…

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Panic, confusion, and general chaos swept over the West Chandler, AZ Little League Sunday when,…

MUNDELEIN, IL—A legendary Burger King employee, known across the land for the heroic and selfless deed of randomly…

WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprising reversal of its longtime single-helping policy, the Food and Drug Administration…

Citing "shrinkage" as a factor in recent poor performance, Wal-Mart is instituting a number of anti-shoplifting…