Overweight College Student Announces Plans To Wear Shorts, Sandals For Rest Of Year
STATE COLLEGE, PA—Overweight Penn State University freshman Kyle Norton cleared up any confusion about the future of…
U.S. Breath Reaches All-Time Worst
WASHINGTON—Responding to a foul stench emanating from the mouths of Americans nationwide, officials from the U.S.…
Single Parent Wishes She Had Thought Of Abandoning Child First
HERKIMER, NY—Following the unannounced departure of live-in boyfriend and father of her 2-year-old son, Joseph, Kelly…
Kidnapping British People Legal
A lawyer for the U.S. government told the Court of Appeal in London that the United States could legally kidnap…
Iran Gave Up Nuke Program In 2003
A new assessment by American intelligence agencies stated that Iran halted their nuclear weapons program four years…
Don Imus Returns To Airwaves For One Last 'Nappy-Headed Hos' Remark
NEW YORK—Don Imus, who was fired from his WFAN morning show in April after calling members of the Rutgers' women's…
Dodgers Offer Twins Moon, Stars For Johan Santana
NASHVILLE, TN—Dodgers GM Ned Colletti announced Monday that although he has nothing to offer in the way of financial or…
NCAA Abandons BCS, Implements New Argument-Based System For Determining College Football Rankings
INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA Board of Governors announced Monday that it would be abandoning the complicated BCS formula, with…
Confusing 24-Player Trade Sends You, Scottie Pippen To Utah Jazz
SALT LAKE CITY—A multi-million-dollar blockbuster trade involving 24 players, six professional basketball teams, two…
Explaining the 2007 BCS Top Ten
1. Ohio State (11-1): Shows what can happen in a contentious season if you just play pretty good football and wait for…
Bob Costas Spontaneously Eulogizing At Sean Taylor's Funeral
MIAMI—Sportscaster Bob Costas interrupted the scripture reading at the funeral of slain Washington Redskins player Sean…
NFL Meteorologists Warn Steaming Black-Guy Heads Occurring Later Every Year
NEW YORK—Steaming black-guy heads, the traditional sign of approaching winter for generations of football fans, have…