Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever
LOS ANGELES—The Novelists Guild of America strike, now entering its fourth month, has had no impact on the nation at…
Some Old Man Still Churning Out Marmaduke
MONTGOMERY, TX—Inching his feeble frame toward an old drafting table for quite possibly the millionth time, 83-year-old…
New York Governor Resigns
After confessing to being involved in a prostitution ring, New York governor Eliot Spitzer resigned Wednesday. What do y…
Frito-Lay Family Of Products Leaned On During Difficult Time
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Thirty-nine-year-old Dwayne Keener, whose marriage and job both recently ended, told reporters Monday…
Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre To A Nice Farm Family
GREEN BAY, WI—The Green Bay Packers addressed questions concerning the current status, future plans, and whereabouts of…
Carl Edwards Does Mournful 'Did Not Finish' Backflip
HAMPTON, GA—Shortly after engine failure forced him to take a 'Did Not Finish' at the Kobalt Tools 500 Sunday,…
The Fed's Bank Bailout
The Federal Reserve announced that they would be setting up a $200 billion program to assist struggling banks. What do y…
Wooo, UNC And Duke Played Each Other Last Weekend, Oooh Oooh Oooh
DURHAM, NC—Oh, man, totally the most exciting thing in the whole entire basketball world and maybe the whole universe…
Stuart Scott Tells Friends To 'Watch This' Before Trying To Get Into Charles Barkley's Party
LAS VEGAS—SportsCenter host Stuart Scott reportedly straightened his shirt collar, tugged twice on the lapels of his…
Mark Prior Just Needs To Stop By Hospital For A Sec To Get Some T.J. Surgery
PEORIA, AZ—Padres pitcher Mark Prior informed teammates Monday that he just has to pop in to the hospital for "one…
Favre's Greatest Moments
As Brett Favre begins his well-deserved retirement, Onion Sports takes a last fond look at the moments that made him…